Well... crap.

For those who are simply interested in the bottom line, I won't play the suspense game. I'm going to just give you the bottom line right off the bat, and you can choose to continue to read this awesome recap and the rest of my RockNRoll Las Vegas Half-Marathon story, or you may just go on your merry way, having found out that the ever-elusive, official sub-2 continues to mock me.

Official finish time:  2:03:25

Crap.

Of course, there is a story. And here it is...

After spending all of Sunday morning lolling about, though the opportunity to really sleep in for the first time in 12 years was crushed by an 8 a.m. phone call... "honey, where's the phone number for the music teacher?"... I did continue to loll in this amazing bed after hanging up...

I finally dragged myself out of bed, enjoyed some not surprisingly over-priced room service that included the best scrambled eggs I think I've ever eaten, and commenced foam-rolling here...

After which I took a luxurious shower in here...with no one pounding on the door or screaming in the background...

If you think I'm being show-offy about the room, I am. I stayed at The Venetian. It was so cool and way more luxurious than anything I've ever experienced. As part of the marathon 'deal,' it really was a deal. The awesomeness of the room was part of why I broke that Vegas rule about spending a lot of time alone in your hotel room. 

The shower woke me up and made me realize that I had to go outside, move my body and get a little fresh air. It was about 1:30 at this point. It was beautiful out...crisp and very slightly breezy. I got back to my room around 2:30. I had planned to meet Beth and her good friend Erika, Aron, and Page in the lobby to head to the start line at 4 o'clock. 

I felt good. A little nervous, but I felt ready. 

I had an ambitious pacing plan. I felt quite confident about what I was planning on doing, though I must admit it was a bit intimidating hanging out pre-race with people who are all wayyyyy faster than I am. But it was fun. Beth and I compared bananas...

[still waiting for Page to email me that lovely photo ... a-hem...]

it helped keep me from being too tense. 

Our cab ride gave us a brief glimpse into the mayhem we were about to enter. We jumped out before things got too bad and alighted right in front of a row of portapotties with no line. NO line. We went. Then we proceeded to look for the gear check...

Page and Aron wore their Santa suits to stay warm, and Beth snuggled in her $3 leopard blankie from Walgreens. You can't see me, but I was wearing my award-winning pants to stay warm.

There it was!

The Mandalay Bay Resort Casino...

and start line...

and home of the gear check from hell.

Yes...all these people are in the gear check mob...not line.

By the time Page and I finished at the gear check mess, it was 5:15. We met back up with Aron, hit up more portapotties, and then headed to our corrals. Total chaos. I feel so sorry for the Mandalay ... their landscaping is just trashed now. As the walkways were jam-packed, people were climbing through and over the bushes and flowers. People were falling off hidden curbs...it was crazy. Somehow, we managed to get into position before the start. They are super fast so I was alone in Corral 6... alone with a thousand other people and this guy...

It was freezing at this point. The wind had really kicked up...

but this guy didn't even have goose-bumps!

Crazy, craziness at the start...solid people.

This is the scene from Corral 6 looking forward.

There were another 30+ corrals behind me!

I was running so fast, the lights of The Strip were a blur :P

Mile 1: 9:24

Mile 2: 9:04

Mile 3: 9:03

Right on target...slow and steady starts the race :)

A bit after the 5K mark, I decided to do a Gu. There was a water station, and the next one wasn't until 5.3. Mile 5 had seemed too late when I ran the Long Beach Half-Marathon. I ripped off the top of the Gu and started sucking it down with my water. Crap. I had grabbed the wrong one! I usually take a chocolate one with NO caffeine first. This was a Roctane Chocolate Raspberry. I only took about half of it before I ran out of water, so I just held onto it to finish later. 

Mile 4: 8:56

Mile 5: 8:51

Hitting my target splits pretty much on the money. I finished the Gu at that next water station. I was feeling great. I was surprising myself, actually, at how 'on' I felt and how closely I was hitting the desired pace.

Mile 6: 8:49

Mile 7: 8:49

Something happened. Shortly after the 10K, my stomach did one of those really loud rumbling turns. And it hurt. I tried to zone out the cramp. I was momentarily successful.

Mile 8: 9:06

And then I wasn't. Whenever I attempted to bring my mile split below a 9-minute pace, the cramps stabbed and groaned. I needed a bathroom ... stat. I started having that caged-animal-get-me-the-f*ck-outta-here feeling... and we were in the ghetto. Yeah. I forgot to mention that. Once we left The Strip at around Mile 4 or 5, we headed into the not-so-glitzy part of town...which was cool. But where the heck was I going to find a place to safely curl up and die? 

Denny's!

Dude... I flew into Denny's. I smiled (or grimaced) at the counter guy..."Please may I...?" and he waved me on, with a slightly puzzled expression on his face. I practically took the door out of the frame charging into that room. It was vacant! No one wanted to be privvy to that Denny's 'Grand Slam.' Yes, I lost a full 5 minutes of my time. It was worth it. Really. My husband had to throw out the line... what happened at Denny's, stayed at Denny's. Definitely not something I wanted to leave on the course :P

Here was my view for 5 minutes.

Very clean, no graffiti. 

Once I was done, it took me a bit to regroup.

Mile 9: 14:04   (9:01 if you delete the potty break)

Mile 10: 9:01

All of that emptying left me feeling pretty depleted, but I knew that I could go faster. So I did.

Mile 11: 8:48

Yay for Emily and Sarah! The World's Greatest Cheerleaders! They were loud and they were sparkly... and they saw me and screamed my name! Total internal power surge :) Thanks, you guys, for being there at mile 2ish when I was feeling solid and again when I really needed you between 11 and 12. Thank you!

After the two of them, it all was a blur. I didn't even want to look for the Mandalay which marked the finish. That thing is so huge that you could see it and be miles away still. I just focused in front of me... moving my feet...steady... consistent.

Mile 12: 8:48

My Garmin was all whacked out...well, mostly because my mind was whacked out and I couldn't compute or remember anything. I didn't really know how many miles I had left or how far I had gone. It was dark. I was afraid to turn the little light on because I might hit the wrong thing and screw up the timing/pacing thing. Where was that last mile marker? Where? WHERE?

Mile 13: 8:39

Whew.

Then all of a sudden we need to take a hard right toward the hotel, immediately followed by a left and then up a little hill. What the heck? And then down a little hill into the finish which was a wall of people. I honestly slammed into some people as I pushed my pace across the line. Everyone did, so no one was mad.

glow-in-the-dark, sparkly medal and a bottle of water at the finish

The situation at the finish was horrendous. The crowd control was non-existent. No effective signage. No alternate routes. Everything funneled in and out through the same space. Retrieving things from gear check wasn't as bad as the drop-off had been, but then we had to figure out how to get back to the hotel. 

We couldn't find the free shuttles. No effective signage, remember? And we weren't entirely sure we wanted to find the free shuttles as we were imagining the lines. Somehow, we managed to stumble upon the lobby and find the taxi line...which required most impressive wait though not as long as the shuttles, I later heard. 

we are happy to be inside...and done

We finally climbed into the cab and embarked on the ride from hell driven by Cabbie McLoud. I dare you to watch the video...it is only 16 seconds long...we got to listen to this for over an hour. 

If anyone can translate what this man is saying shouting, Aron, Page and I would love to know. 

It took us almost 2 hours and $45 to go 2 stinkin' miles. As soon as we could clearly see a way into The Venetian, we told McLoud to just pull over and let us the *bleep* out! 

The fresh air was simultaneously bracing and calming. I felt so much better out of that cab. We headed over the street to our hotel, whereupon we all went to our rooms and didn't venture out again that night.

My belly continued it's cramping and clearing...in fact, it still is. I had a super hard time sleeping. While I'm used to running at night, I'm not used to racing at night. Totally different ballgame.

Would I do it again? I don't know. Vegas is weird. It was so fun to meet other bloggers in the flesh. It was also so fun to run down the middle of The Strip with all the lights flashing. But as an event, they have some serious work to do. If you think you want to do it, go in with your eyes open to the element of utter chaos and lack of preparedness. Expect no food or amenities at the end. Expect for it to take hours to get from the finish line to your warm, comfy quarters. And if you can't handle those conditions, it is definitely not the race for you!