23 January 2012

Monday Musings, Mistakes, and Threats of Litigation

Today is a rainy day here. I have a sick kid home from school, a sick husband home from work, a fully-potty-trained toddler running around, and I'm feeling kind of blah. It's the kind of day where I want to just curl up and eat grilled cheese (which I can't) and drink Dr. Pepper (which I can't) and watch raunchy-humored, R-rated movies by myself (which I can't).

I've just started a month-long dietary clean-up. "Just" as in this morning. I'm already bummed out. Fortunately, I've done this program a couple of times in the past and know that the break-in period is a little less than a week...so I'm pretty sure I can tough it out. But at the moment, grilled cheese sounds so super appealing. Or tuna casserole. Sadly, dairy is on the wrong side of the list :(  So I'll content myself with brown rice and veggies and fruit and water...

Here's the awesome news...

I ran 7 hilly miles on Sunday! I have the best running partner in the whole world. We mesh :) We stopped to stretch every couple of miles, and we ran easy. It was divine. My calves seem mostly adjusted to the forefoot/midfoot strike deal, and the only part of my body that complained was my iliopsoas. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that's the main pain-maker. Of course, I'm also convinced I have ankylosing spondylitis... but I could be mistaken.

Speaking of being mistaken...here's a mistake I always make. And I now know I'm not the only one who makes this mistake... apparently Tony Stewart does, too.


This issue came up the other day when I saw RoseRunner's awesome tongue-to-nose trick. Does anyone else make this mistake?  Can anyone else do that trick? I've always wanted to, but my nose is too long.

I know that litigious, bald, music-industry-working, triathletes would never make this mistake, and I would surmise that my difficulty making this differentiation will be used against me in a court of law should "Dude vs. XL" ever actually go to court.

For those of you who are in the dark on this one, I've received a 'cease and desist' order regarding my XLBands...click the links to see the products in question. What I find most unfortunate is that I am not selling XLBands...in fact, my video shows you how to make them for free...

I am spreading knowledge to the masses...much like Johannes Gutenberg.

Furthermore, elitist Dudeband™ wearers must follow all sorts of crazy rules. XLBands have no such requirements, pretentiousnesses, or bullsh*t attached to their usage. While you may think this lessens the specialness of the item, au contraire. It makes a useful and life-changing item accessible to the world.

Like socks.

And much like socks, having a lawyer tell me to stop spreading the word about XLBands because the Dudeband™ dude is annoyed/jealous/greedy is akin to telling a knitter that she must 'cease and desist' knitting socks for her friends and family because the inventor of socks says so.

Dude...I am not profiting from the XLBand...the world is benefitting. Back off.

Or maybe buddy up.


  1. Maybe I'll just sell Dudeband™ to Nike or someone similar before the court of public opinion completely kicks the crap out of me.

    And then I'll put all my new-found riches into a foundation for the protection of unicorns. I'll still be a pretentious loser (per your definition), but at least my "life's work" will be cute.

    Plus I've moved on to writing trippy children's stories into the header-banner of my blog (which you might want to visit if you haven't had a chance to yell at me yet).

  2. I am so glad I now know this is an ongoing joke or I would be so furious!!!! lol

  3. I cannot believe that guy complained! It's not as if you were trying to sell something. Lame! Congrats on your 7 hilly miles. Color me impressed. I hate hills!

  4. I thoroughly enjoyed going back and viewing that video. Back off Dude... just creativity at work! Love it!

  5. For the record, I can never keep the Simmonses straight.

  6. Oooh, THAT is a a funny mistake! 7 miles and no celebratory grilled sheese?!?! I hope you didn't have to make one for any of the sickies you were home with!

  7. I have a relatively long nose, and I can put my tongue on the tip of it. I might even have a picture of it somewhere...hmm might have to look.

  8. I seriously wanted to punch that guy as I was reading the back and forth on twitter. SO obnoxious. As for his "cease and desist letter" ... certified mail or it didn't happen, dude. I like my headband better with sparklies anyway. :)

  9. Good for you on the run! I should've run mine like yours. I think I pushed too hard. Hoping I don't have a lasting injury. :( You and me and the DP. I haven't had any again for a couple days. Hang in there with the diet!

  10. the commenters here are making me laugh lately...are they serious...those 2..I see one is out of the dark...

    no grilled cheese..me 2
    no Dr Pepper...me 2

    I am on your team! hope the sickers in the family get better soon and that they dont spread the crap around to the others and by others I mean you of course

  11. Yeah for the 7 mile run! Now it's time to get everyone healthy.

    Heading over to Patrick's blog to read his hate mail :-).

  12. Don't you two make me pick sides or both of you will hear from ME! :-) Go for a run or bike or something.
    Oh, you do that already.

    Life without cheese... even for a week or so is not a true life. There, now you know my dark little secret.
    As for Dr Pepper - who cares.

    7mi is awesome!!!

  13. Maaaan, I need to get on twitter more often. I totally missed the back and forth there. Damn.

    My middle son can touch his nose with his tongue. So, I think maybe, can the youngest.

    No way would I pick sides because it's waaaaay too entertaining to sit in the middle. That said, I've won two of your contests AND you're going to come get lost in the woods with me some day, which Patrick has never offered to do.

  14. Hahaha I have totally made that mistake....and I think it's about the size of the tongue, not the nose, that makes the nose-tongue trick work

  15. I can't believe he complained. Nuts. Nice job on the hills.

  16. Clearly high-powered lawyers must be brought in to make sure the amicability of the two parties is true, valid, and comes with a good warranty. Perhaps a unicorn-themed headband by both parties could be presented to Richard Simmons in a tasteful yet over the top gala?

  17. Ok. Awesome job on hills.
    P-funk that dude.....any way.
    My tongue is totally not talented. Tmi.
    I want cheese. I don't eat cheese.
    Richard Simmons scares the £^#?$@ out of me.

  18. Hmm. Hubby says he hopes Fruit of the Loom doesn't tell him to adios his jockeys. You know, intellectual property and all on shorts.

  19. YAY for 7 happy running miles! I know how much they meant to you!

  20. Okay wow I am totally confused, is that guy serious! I see he first commented on the post and I cant believe it.

    great job on your enjoyable run, those are the best!


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