Stepping back...

It's only been sixteen months.

Two years ago, running seemed like a pipe dream. I couldn't even walk my kids to the pool down the street because of pain and a vicious limp. A year ago, riding my bike was impossible because I didn't have the pain-free flexibility to put my leg over the bar to get on or off, and I was deathly afraid of falling because I didn't even have the pain-free strength to balance myself...or catch myself.

Eight years is a really long time. But I am so grateful that it wasn't my lifetime. So grateful.

The next time you're hurting and needing to sit out a few weeks or a month, or your rehab is dragging on for nearly a year, think about eight years. Or even better, think about your lifetime.

In sixteen months I've gone from trudging and shuffling alternating with walking for 15 minutes every other day to being able to run over thirteen miles without stopping (except to take a crap at Denny's). I've participated in a 200-mile epic relay. I dropped my mile time by almost 2 minutes and my 5K time by almost 5 minutes...both still nowhere near PRs but a good restart :) It has been so encouraging and reaffirming, and it's been a lot for my body to handle. I've been impatient and asked my body to handle more than it safely can. I've gotten caught up in the whirlwind of blogging endurance athletes..."keeping up with the Joneses," as one reader put it so aptly in an email the other day.

This same reader inquired as to my motivation to run. He pointed out that "if running takes more out than it puts in -even if its the greatest thing since sliced bread, the automobile or reality tv- there are other ways to appease (y)our desires." And he's right.

I need to step back.

I need to not run a full marathon right now.

I need to be more patient with the process. I need to find what I need to focus on in order to be fit and healthy and not in pain for the long haul. For my lifetime.

Another excerpt from a subsequent email is this very good point:

...if injury forced lifestyle changes and being sedentary for 8 years, then it would take 8 years to fully restore the body to a point of full vigor and also be able to comfortably maintain it indefinitely.

With this in mind, I'm pulling myself out of running a full marathon this spring. I certainly have mixed feelings... bummed and relieved.

The focus is going to be on enjoying the process...much like it was when I recommenced running. I will be getting stronger in a less forced fashion with an emphasis on shorter distances and much more cross-training. And less planning. I don't get paid to run so it damn well better be FUN.

I see that I can't work the volume AND the intensity right now that are necessary to successfully run a full marathon. I would be hurting and miserable. Too much, too soon. Constantly battling pain doesn't mean I'm tough...it means I'm stupid.

I feel solid in my decision to step back from the full marathon in Eugene. I do think I'll still run in some races...I've signed up for a few already...and perhaps I'll take on the half in Eugene. I'll still have goals...they'll just be different. I am by nature pretty driven and nearly incapable of not always having some sort of challenge to gnaw away at or bulldoze my way through. And I'll leave that dangling participle there to just annoy the crap out of the grammar police :)

I ran last night... six miles...stretching at every 3/4-mile and changing my shoes periodically. I feel good, and that's what's important.

And today my animal-liner-upper set up this...

it's a picnic

I don't want to be in pain... I want to play with my kids and have fun.