Against my better judgment...

I ran last night.

btw... you can spell that with or without an "e" after the "g"...

It wasn't the running per se that was against my better judgment, but anything that is triggered by being pissed off at a Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino that one didn't even consume smacks of imprudence.

I was low and dark and edgy last night. Sounds attractive if you're a goth, but I am a suburban housewife and mom of 4 kids so it was playing to the wrong audience. I didn't want to run. I didn't want to sleep. I didn't want to watch a silly movie that might make me laugh or 'feel good'. I wanted a darn Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino. But most of all, I wanted to effortlessly stop feeling cruddy.

Feeling impulsive, compulsive, and irrational were a part of last night's toxic petri dish that spawned an idea. A running idea. Running always makes one feel better, right? But I was pissed that I had to do something to feel better...but I also know that's how things work. So I decided that I needed to go for a run that would show running just how pissed off I was that I had to actually do it to feel better. Are you following any of this? As you can see, it seems to have not worked perfectly...only mellowed things a very wee bit...kind of...maybe.

I told my Faster Bunny friend about my poorly-thought-out plan. She said I should go for it and even gave me a little plan...which, even though I am a race plan goddess, was awesome because I really needed a sanity-injection. Of course, her plan within my plan was insane. Okay, fine. They were both insane.

I ran a mile.

As fast as I could. yes, I warmed up...I was low but not stupid.

The first quarter was exhilarating. The second...not so much. As is usually the case, the third was the opposite of exhilarating. And the final quarter was redemption.

Repeating a common theme, I missed my mark by a teeny bit. As I started to spiral back down into my feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness (yes, I am premenstrual...of course), somehow I was able to convince my lame-ass self that 7:01 is pretty okay. And that 7:01 is a lot faster than 7:24. It is real testament to my mood that I am dissatisfied with 7:01 and was beyond elated with 7:24 (you should read that recap). I suppose I should be thankful that I didn't need to stop at Denny's in the middle of it :P

Capping off my evening of depressing insanity, I decided to register for the 2012 San Francisco Bay to Breakers. Jeeez, it's all starting to sound like some kind of pathetic runner's bender...next I'll be saying that I guzzled gallons of Nuun and mainlined GU...

Now that I have all this 'missing the mark' business behind me, time start training for some 'bettering the mark' experiences. I am so ready for that.