16 January 2012

Stepping back...

It's only been sixteen months.

Two years ago, running seemed like a pipe dream. I couldn't even walk my kids to the pool down the street because of pain and a vicious limp. A year ago, riding my bike was impossible because I didn't have the pain-free flexibility to put my leg over the bar to get on or off, and I was deathly afraid of falling because I didn't even have the pain-free strength to balance myself...or catch myself.

Eight years is a really long time. But I am so grateful that it wasn't my lifetime. So grateful.

The next time you're hurting and needing to sit out a few weeks or a month, or your rehab is dragging on for nearly a year, think about eight years. Or even better, think about your lifetime.

In sixteen months I've gone from trudging and shuffling alternating with walking for 15 minutes every other day to being able to run over thirteen miles without stopping (except to take a crap at Denny's). I've participated in a 200-mile epic relay. I dropped my mile time by almost 2 minutes and my 5K time by almost 5 minutes...both still nowhere near PRs but a good restart :) It has been so encouraging and reaffirming, and it's been a lot for my body to handle. I've been impatient and asked my body to handle more than it safely can. I've gotten caught up in the whirlwind of blogging endurance athletes..."keeping up with the Joneses," as one reader put it so aptly in an email the other day.

This same reader inquired as to my motivation to run. He pointed out that "if running takes more out than it puts in -even if its the greatest thing since sliced bread, the automobile or reality tv- there are other ways to appease (y)our desires.And he's right.

I need to step back.

I need to not run a full marathon right now.

I need to be more patient with the process. I need to find what I need to focus on in order to be fit and healthy and not in pain for the long haul. For my lifetime.

Another excerpt from a subsequent email is this very good point:

...if injury forced lifestyle changes and being sedentary for 8 years, then it would take 8 years to fully restore the body to a point of full vigor and also be able to comfortably maintain it indefinitely.

With this in mind, I'm pulling myself out of running a full marathon this spring. I certainly have mixed feelings... bummed and relieved.

The focus is going to be on enjoying the process...much like it was when I recommenced running. I will be getting stronger in a less forced fashion with an emphasis on shorter distances and much more cross-training. And less planning. I don't get paid to run so it damn well better be FUN.

I see that I can't work the volume AND the intensity right now that are necessary to successfully run a full marathon. I would be hurting and miserable. Too much, too soon. Constantly battling pain doesn't mean I'm tough...it means I'm stupid.

I feel solid in my decision to step back from the full marathon in Eugene. I do think I'll still run in some races...I've signed up for a few already...and perhaps I'll take on the half in Eugene. I'll still have goals...they'll just be different. I am by nature pretty driven and nearly incapable of not always having some sort of challenge to gnaw away at or bulldoze my way through. And I'll leave that dangling participle there to just annoy the crap out of the grammar police :)

I ran last night... six miles...stretching at every 3/4-mile and changing my shoes periodically. I feel good, and that's what's important.

And today my animal-liner-upper set up this...

it's a picnic

I don't want to be in pain... I want to play with my kids and have fun.


42 comments:

  1. Happened to be drinking a coffee, and relaxing while reading this. Cool.

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  2. The right decision is usually the toughest one to make. I was in the same boat this past spring where I came off a horrible marathon and was burnt.out. I took the summer to do other distances and I am back to enjoying running again.
    Life is stressful enough..running shouldn't be either.

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  3. I think posts like this are some of the best ones we can read. There are all kind of inspiration...the ones that show us what else/more/faster there is to do and the ones that show us successes, but just as important if not more so are the ones that show when people fail to meet a goal and keep striving, or the times when people realize hey, this isn't the right goal for me. We all need to see that it's not automatic, and it's not easy, and when it's not right it's not right. So thank you for always being honest in your posts.

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  4. Good choice girlie! There will always be another race. One day your body will be ready.
    Also, I heart you. ;)

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  5. Sounds like a good choice to me. I especially like "I don't get paid to run so it damn well better be FUN!" I agree. We can't lose the fun factor. Been there done that, won't do that again:) Here's to staying healthy!

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  6. This really connected with me as I'm in a similar boat for different reasons. I hope you find it as beneficial as I have. But it sounds like you're on the way to find a really healthy balance!

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  7. Hard choice to make...but a necessary one it seems.
    I think goals are great, and goals like a half marathon can be just as great as a marathon goal!

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  8. It takes a strong and smart person to see beyond the immediate... and I definitely hear you about keeping up. Running for myself has turned out to be far more satisfying.

    ps - I do have to selfishly admit that I was looking forward to virtually training with you (Vancouver is one week after Eugene). Misery loves company and all that! :)

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  9. Glad you're feeling solid about your decision. Stepping back from big goals is never easy, but knowing when it's the smart thing to do is an important skill (and one that too many people don't have).

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  10. I love this more than you'll ever know. Proud of ya

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  11. I've been lurking on your blog for a while enjoying reading your thoughts. As I learn from you and get inspired by you, I want to say only one thing in response to this post:
    What a wise person you are!
    I mean it very sincerely.

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  12. It's hard, because we know what our bodies could once handle and we think it can again - easily. But it just doesn't work that way and it's hard to swallow. There will be a time and a place when the planets all align properly for you to do that marathon. Right now, enjoy life and those precious little ones who love their momma to death!

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  13. Sounds like a great choice. Love your honesty in this post...and I couldn't agree more, if you're not having fun, what's the point?!

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  14. I have a feeling that this decision is only 1 step back but like 4 going forward in terms of 2012...

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  15. I think your plan is solid. You have come so far, so quickly! There is time to do more. Listening to your body is important. Enjoy the journey. Sit back and watch your little one make animal trains.

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  16. Right on girl! Sounds like your priorities are straight! :)

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  17. i love this post! So honest. Patience and listening to your body are always key! Take your time, and you'll get everything you want, and deserve soon enough :)

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  18. I am so glad you are working towards peace and happiness with yourself...and the bonus of enjoying a fun animal picnic!

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  19. I really respect this move! It was not an easy decision, I am sure. But it was for sure the right one given all that you are saying. The right time to run that marathon will be there and when it is, you will be more than ready--healthy and confident that it's the right move. Good job using the 'noggin!

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  20. I think its hard to make a huge decision like this. Your post really got to me. I have been having on and off issues but I keep trying to ignore it so I can accomplish a crazy dream. Its so nice to hear you write and be honest and do what is best for you and your family. Running should be enjoyable!

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  21. Another race ... at the right time ... for you.

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  22. Hi there! Since this is my first visit to your blog, I am not sure what happened to keep you out of action for 8 years, but I am glad to read that you are doing well and looking after yourself. Well-written post too! A fellow FFA, KymbelryFunFit

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  23. Great post. And a great decision. I have been there and done that. It is so hard to make those decisions, but sometimes they are the best things we can do for ourselves.

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  24. this is such an excellent post! i could not agree more with your philosophy and think you are one smart lady to be stepping back from the full marathon. i want to always listen to my body - the ultimate goal is to live life to it's fullest for all of my days.
    i love your little one's picnic - i remember when my son would set things up like that when he was younger. so sweet.

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  25. I have to remind myself regularly of where I've come from and where others have come from and the time it took them to get there and the time it will take me to get there. The pace of gaining fitness is insanely slow and you do tend to get caught up in things like "Hey, he once was a slow fat guy and now he's an Ironman - maybe I could do that!" But the reality is that I was insanely sore after accidentally running 8.4 mi last week so 26.2 isn't in the cards yet. All in good time. And if not, then all in good FUN (with your kids)!! ((HUGS))

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  26. This post makes me so happy! and I don't mean that in a bad or disrespectful way at all. You are so inspiring with everything you've accomplished and your emailing friend is right. You've gotta take the time to heal. You have your whole life. I know I'm young, healthy and not injured (knock on wood) and even I find it hard to read some blogs where it's race after race and pr after pr but taking it at your own pace is important. I always try to think about why I run and what it would be like if I couldn't. You are a remarkable woman, person and I think that a full marathon is on your path but maybe just not right now. I am rooting for you girl xoxox

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  27. Keeping up with the Joneses!! I think about this often - especially in the great running community we're part of where everyone is all things running all the time. Be proud of your decision.

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  28. Sounds like you are making the best possible choice for you. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us---you are so right. It is not worth risking everything for the short term.

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  29. "I feel good, and that's what's important."

    wisdom/

    Not always easy to make the right choice. you should enjoy running. that is something I know for sure.

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  30. A very honest moment. You are tough in keeping your priority on the fun in the run. I'm training for a half now, and wondering about a full, but I need to step back and remember to enjoy the journey. The journey is the best past. Hang tough!

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  31. Listening to your body is the most important thing. I think it's amazing you've come so far already in such a short time!

    Stopping by from lovelinks.

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  32. Good choice, probably the right one and it's the right decisions that are always the hard ones, you know? (-:

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  33. What a journey! It seems you are getting the right advice and so wise of you to follow it!

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  34. It's always good to be able to see what's really best for us. I'm happy you can see what's best for you, and feel OK with it. Good job!

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  35. I'm glad you are doing this. I can't imagine the beating your body takes, but I also understand the urgency to get back out there.

    The animal liner upper is the best. I spent the weekend with my cousin's kids. The Barbie contraptions made from roller skates and rubber bands were amazing.

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  36. You are doing the courageous thing by backing away and listening to your body. There will always be another race but there's only one you. Find the enjoyment in running again - it's there!

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  37. It's hard when your body physically is telling you enough...especially when your mind wants to tell it otherwise. Good for you. You made the right decision. I'm so impressed in your running ability even when your body is still in recovery. I'm running a 10K in the spring and I'm freaking out.

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  38. Your progress is not measured in how far you have yet to go, but how far you've come. Brava!

    Stopped by from Lovelinks :)

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  39. I think it's a great decision. One I wish I had made 12 years ago. I got into running and within 6 months, signed up for a full with TNT. Great cause, but I was not, I repeat, was not ready for that step. What resulted was the pain you talked about and no distance race for many years. I ran shorter ones. I'm now back to longer ones, but the whole process could have been more fun. Good for you! Enjoy your "ride." I'm a follower and a visitor from the FF blog hop!

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  40. I don't know how I missed this post when you first put it up - but I'm glad I saw it now.

    You are so smart. so so so so so freakin' smart.

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  41. Way to go making such a difficult decision. There is a lot of wisdom in knowing our limits and listening to our bodies. Pulling out early is much better than getting injured and being stuck on the sidelines. Great post!

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