27 December 2012

Virtual Jingle Bell Hell Final Results Finally

If you missed the write-up on the real deal, it's here. The real-life participants didn't really write up interesting recaps...in fact, they pretty much left it all up to me. Thanks, guys ;-) SF Road Warrior gloated about how she was able to beat RoseRunner without even trying. But she did look super cute wielding the trophy and didn't pig out on the donuts, so she's invited back for next year's race. RoseRunner complained bitterly about lack of ethical race practices but did express great appreciation for the donuts, so even though she did pig out, she can come back and try again to win that trophy...or rather, have her name inscribed in ballpoint pen on masking tape on the bottom for time immemorial!  Jen had an excuse, and I really hope she's able to come again next year and run in addition to snagging some 'nuts.

If you're in the SF Bay Area next year in mid-December and you like free donuts and smart, funny people, you will want to join us. I am not kidding.

Now for the virtual participants....

...if you did Jingle Bell Hell this year and don't see your name and link below, please let me know! Not everyone emailed me a link...some of these I had to dig for...there may be others! Feel free to link yourselves in the comments :) And all participants who email me a mailing address will receive prizes...there are fueling products, Nuun, winter accessories, compression socks...lots of fun stuff :)

SuperKate, a two-time participant, repeats her placing from last year as first runner up. Kate drove really far and actually ran this year. She got super lost and was really hurting. She definitely earned some donuts...or a stiff drink. And some Calgon to take her away from that hell.

Run With Jess once again gathered together a whole lot of Peoria's finest Sole Sisters and ran through the graveyard! I am forever impressed by her ability to organized and mobilize :) Jess' enthusiasm gets her second runner up AND the first-ever ambassadorship for Jingle Bell Hell!!! Yay, Jess! and thanks so much :)

Suzanne also participated for the second year in a row!!!  She ran in sadness and on a treadmill while her dog with craaaayyyyyzeeeeee eyes looked on. I know loss is hard, Suzanne. Kudos to you for 'showing up' for Jingle Bell H-E-double hockey-sticks :) I am so appreciative that you came back!

Chelsea had a 36 second PR in hell and hit 22:01! Chelsea, I want to share your special kind of hell...it sounds so much faster than mine!

The following was sent to me by The FitFork:

I'm putting my recap here: Toys for Tots Reindeer Run 5k (Austin) Showed up to find a smaller that usual crowd (apparently a huge 5k the night before, whoo hoo this will give me the advantage I greedily think. Then NAtasha my friend is a kicka$$ pro triathalete shows up , dang. She claims she's out of shape, HA, this is hard to believe. Race starts, we take off together chatting . . . . about 1/2 through I decide I'm throwing it all down and take off. Ugh, tough to make my move so early, worried that she is catching up in last half mile (sneaking backward glances), give it my final I-might-puke effort and take the Overall Female Win by 7 seconds -- take that you 30 year old professional athlete. Plus, I ran is a Mrs. Claus costume, she showed up in her pro gear -- who's cooler? ME I think. GIVE ME MY POWDERED SUGAR DONUTS!

My response to her..."B*tch, please...you didn't even break 19 minutes...tell it to the hand." And then I said, "fine...you can have some donuts" and I totally rolled my eyes at her.

Mishka did it 'cold'...not only the weather, but without ANY training whatsoever! Girlfriend got hail in her hair (photo evidence)...and has a surprising stash of awesome cold weather gear for a non-runner (more photo evidence). She faced iPod malfunction and suspicious neighbors. I am so glad you got out there, Mishka!!!!

Kasey suffered through raging inclines on the treadmill...wisely bailing on the pseudo-hilly "fun run" at the halfway in exchange for a flat program to finish things out. Half hell is better than no hell ;-)

Kasey making a 'hell face' at the halfway.

Alisyn had a blast running up a looooooong hill with friends...good thing it was a looooooong hill otherwise we might not get to consider this enjoyable-laughter-producing run "hell" ;-)

Beth at I Run Like A Girl dressed like a Grinch and even got spat on for her troubles. Luckily, she has a great sense of humor and it made her laugh :)

Jill wrote perhaps the goriest Jingle Bell Hell recap the world will ever read...complete with gory pictures. Fortunately, there was no pain...just gore. Donut-earning gore.

Elizabeth ran back and forth and back and forth and back and forth on part of her trail in her multi-hell run. The real hell came after the actual run...tears were shed and f-bombs were dropped. Click her name to find out why.

TriMOEngr met up with our first runner up during that ill-fated trail run and hurt herself, too. She considers her JBH attempt a weak one...I say "no". Sustaining bruises and twisting ankles definitely qualifies.

And believe it or not, there are people out there who don't have blogs! *gasp* But who still participate in our inane activities! Penny from Minnesota reported "9 miles on the somewhat plowed snowed over trail ( evil laugh included)." She gets an extra-special shout-out here because this is the only place it's going to happen. Thanks so much, Penny, for playing along!

Now...Kristine. She ran 42 laps in her YMCA for a total of 3.5 miles. FORTY TWO. Seriously, can anyone top that hell? ANYONE???? Didn't think so. Grand prize winner. *BOOM*

And then there's Patrick...this year's token guy. Last year it was Mike. Patrick set aside our differences over the Dudeband™ and ran a duck-shaped route...unfortunately, not in a serape as promised...but he did listen to an awful song on repeat for the entire run and had a pebble in his shoe. Hell. And worthy of top prize winning male participant. By default. Well, and because his recap made me laugh the hardest. I tried to read it out loud to my husband and kept doubling over, gasping for air. Go read it, seriously.

So peeved and so pained...guy hates virtual races.
Thanks for sucking it up, sport. I owe you one.

Congratulations to all...and many, many thanks for participating!

And anyone who wants to be considered for a JBH Ambassadorship, just let me know. You will have to respond to a brief questionnaire and submit a video in addition to having completed a Jingle Bell Hell run either this year or last. Or I will just have to like you. It's a totally subjective application process. Let that be stated from the onset ;-) 

*UPDATE 12/28* apparently Mike did participate this year but was too lazy to write anything up...he submits this photo as evidence. Fine, Mike. You've been clamoring for donuts to go with last year's Yanks...as recipient of this year's Weasel-Your-Way-Into-The-Donuts prize, they'll be in the mail shortly ;-)


  1. Congrats to the winner, 42 laps for 3.5 miles . . . . I'd need to take a dramamine

  2. I can't imagine running 42 laps of anything! Yikes.

  3. Quite an interesting array of recaps and I have to agree that 42 laps is pretty crazy especially for a 5K!

  4. Thanks for sharing the "mug of shame" when I couldn't finish the fun run program. I've rematched with it.... and only made it to 4.5 miles through. Stupid treadmill, so much worse than any hill anywhere on earth. I bet Everest is more fun! On Everest, at least there are things to look at besides my husband's clutter-covered desk.
    Congrats to the winner! Even though she makes me question the sanity of signing up for a 1-mile loop marathon in March.
    I never claimed to have common sense.

  5. I went skiing that day, and had a great time! So I guess that wouldn't count towards "Jingle Bell Hell."

  6. Two weeks later and the bruise on my arm is almost faded, but my ankle is still sore. It is slowly getting better, but still occassionally screams at me when I turn just so. Thanks for the shout out. I'm hoping to get in at least one more 5K before the year is over. Someday I'm going to come to CA for yours! I totally want my name in ball point pen!

  7. Wow, 42 laps is hellish! Congrats to Kristine. I did virtually participate but was to lazy to blog a race report but did tweet a pic of my JBH aid station :-). Is it allowable to have two buts in a sentence? It's been too long since I've been in school and my kids are sleeping so I can't ask them :-).

    Heading to read through the virtual race reports now.

  8. Looking forward to the donuts :-). Funny thing about my aid station pic is that the water is mine but the breakfast bar isn't and I never saw another runner out there.

  9. FORTY TWO LAPS is crazy sauce. whew.

  10. I am going to step up my hell game next year!! Fortytwo laps?!? And dreadmills galore! Next year I'll try and keep up with the competition :D I love all these recaps! Cheers to all!!

  11. 42 laps indoors is pretty much the virtual race version of a royal flush.

  12. 42 laps- reminds me of the time i ran on my cruise (vacation). i was training for my first half and didn’t want to miss my long run. 7 miles on a cruise ship. can’t remember how many laps that was-but it was too many! congrats to everyone for finishing! thanks for organizing. hope yall had a great holiday! xo

  13. Yeah, I will be emailing you my mailing address...I am so excited to be a virtual winner even if it is 42nd runner up...LOL!

  14. I'm so sad that I flaked out this year on your run. But, it really would have been hell to run with the foot problems that I've been having and so probably not worth it.

    Great turnout and fun recaps.

    Have a fabulous New Year!!

  15. I think it's kinda funny that you consider me the winner. To me, 42 laps wasn't the hard part. It was pushing myself to actually run (instead of walk) as many laps as possible. Just proud of myself that I managed not to puke and it only took a few days of recovery to be able to walk normally again. :)


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