Cast of Characters
Angry Old Man...
Imagine the hair is white.
Green Shirt Guy...
But no apple, no shirt logo, no sunglasses. Sub in gym shorts.
Annnnnd...probably not Brad Pitt.
Super Sweaty Woman:
Yeah...for real.
Setting
Converted industrial-space climbing gym's cardio area...elliptical trainer section, to be precise.
Early evening on a very hot, late Spring day. Little ventilation or natural air-flow.
Scene
Opens with Super Sweaty Woman (SSW) transitioning from StairMaster to Elliptical Trainer. After spending 20 minutes warming up on the SM with her heart rate hovering between 130 and 135, she is ready to tackle the meat of her workout over on the ET.
She climbs on and gets started. The plan: increase intensity every 10 minutes for a total of 40 minutes. The first 10 go very well...heart rate ranging from 140-145. In the middle of the second 10 minutes, she realizes that heart rate at 150 is demanding. And she is really, really hot.
Noticing a fan on the pillar 8 feet away, she begins to fantasize about the cool air blowing over her hard-working, sweaty body. Realizing that the fan is aimed at no one, she begins to strategize how to get it aimed at her...without stopping her workout.
Enter Green Shirt Guy (GSG).
Perspiration-soaked and disoriented, GSG walks over and positions himself directly in front of the blowing fan...sucking in as much cooling goodness as decorum will allow. He appears helpful in addition to sweaty. SSW decides to give it a shot...
SSW (in a loud-enough-to-be-heard-over-the-fan-but-not-shouting voice): Yo...Green Shirt Guy!
GSG (lifts dazed and sweaty face to see who is talking to him...once he realizes he is wearing a green shirt): Huh?
SSW (smiling...but it probably looks more like a grimace): Do you think you could angle that fan over toward me once you're done with it?
GSG (nods and manages a word): Sure...
Once he's feels sufficiently cooled, he angles the fan toward SSW and gives the look that inquires "how's that?" She gives him a double thumbs-up and a huge smile. He smiles back and starts to walk away...
Angry Old Man (exploding...and when did he show up on the immediately adjacent machine?): JESUS CHRIST! I JUST MOVED THAT FAN OFFA ME WHEN I GOT ON! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
SSW (sincerely apologetic): Oh, wow...I'm sorry! I'm just so super hot. Maybe we can angle it so that it isn't on you at all and I get just a little sliver of air movement? I don't need it full on me.
As she speaks, GSG tries to politely adjust the fan in just such a way and then begins to leave.
AOM (pissed off beyond all rationality): Nevermind...nevermind...I'll MOVE. JESUS CHRIST! *mutter mutter mutter mutter*
SSW: No...for real...we can adjust it! You don't need to move! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to cause such a problem...I was just hot and still have 25 minutes with my heart rate over 150. Don't know if I can make it with out some fan relief!
AOM (very loud and palpably hostile still as he changes machines): NO. I can't believe this. I'm MOVING. I don't want THE FAN! You. Are. An. A**HOLE! This is BULLSH*T!
Upon which GSG turns abruptly on his heel, strides purposefully back to the fan on the pillar and gives it a sharp whack, sending the cool air blasting full on both AOM and SSW.
GSG (lecturingly, while pointing at AOM): You both have an equal right to have it or NOT have it. An equal right. She as just as much right to have it as you do to NOT have it. I'm not choosing sides.
AOM: Oh... F*CK YOU!
GSG (bending closer and getting quiet): No, man... f*ck you.
GSG spins around and exits stage right. Continues working out in a different part of the gym.
AOM, very flustered, collects his magazine, stumbles off his machine and follows. But leaves the premises.
Who knew such a simple request could raise such hell?
I was kind of shaken by the experience but did manage to continue my kick-ass workout. Finally, I'm learning how to prevent outside "upsets" from affecting my mental sharpness and resolve when it comes to my workouts. I'm not always successful at it, but this time I was :)
In other news, my hip was sharply hurting after one little mile last night. I kept thinking that it would chill out once it warmed up (sort of contradictory, isn't it?), but it didn't. I was sad. But smart. I came in after 1.7 miles.
I may not run in the SF First Half-Marathon on July 29th. Only time will tell...
