15 February 2013

grrrrind grrrrind grrrrrrriiinnnndddddd...

Every time I take a step now, I see this in my mind...


My hip doesn't hurt any more than it ever has...in fact, it feels a whole ton better than it did when it felt its worst several years ago, but after hearing "bone-on-bone"... my mind goes to the mental image of a rough-hewn mortar and pestle...grriinnddding away. I'll bet you're cringing in sympathy pain right about now ;-)

The big question now is what to do.

Here's what I KNOW helps ME feel better:

  • good, deep tissue massage
  • chiropractic adjustments – that leg yank always is amazing
  • exercise – I actually feel more pain now than when I was running and doing more in general
  • the fact that I've pretty much eaten an anti-inflammatory diet for about 5 years now (yeah, some wiggle room there like I do eat sugary stuff sometimes...I wonder how good I'd feel if I cut that out? think I might try it...)
  • stretching, foam rolling, rolling on a tennis ball or lacrosse ball
  • destressing and meditation, this includes getting good rest/sleep
I started doing research last week and read each and every comment and email and message regarding surgeries and treatment/management ideas and workout alternatives and here is what I've come to realize:

  • I'm not ready for surgery emotionally.
  • I'm very good at hearing what my body is telling me, so I will continue to listen closely to it. It tells me "you don't need surgery yet, but you've got to do something"
  • I'm possibly in denial (don't say to me out loud "yes, you are" because eventually I will figure that out) but I am hanging onto a hope that my body has amazing healing abilities and so want to pursue ideas that embrace and utilize that hope.
  • I'm not really interested in running much or at all if it's going to hurt, but if it doesn't hurt...
  • I've really missed rowing.
  • Rowing is really f*cking expensive!
  • I tend to think outside the conventional box.
Decision #1...

I'm going for my first prolotherapy consultation on Wednesday. 

The worst that can happen (or so it seems) is that it won't do anything for me. I can live with that. If that turns out to be the case, then I look at other options. Easy.

The hardest part of this hip deal is realizing that, unlike a broken foot or torn hamstring, this is not going to get "better." I am not going to take 8 weeks off, doing pilates and swimming and biking or nothing, and then it will knit itself back together and be good as new. It's done. It's gone. I have to work with this forever...whether as a surgeried-on joint or other. 

The next time you're sitting out with an illness that will end or an injury that will heal, yes, it will be frustrating and hard, but remember how much worse it could be. Take time to take care of your body. If you're sick or hurting...give that awesome body a break. Don't curse it. Don't ignore it. You really don't want to have to deal with something like this. Trust me.

 **This recent series is important for me. It's really helpful to write these things out and look at them. Bear with me as I go through this process! Who knows? You might learn something useful :) **

26 comments:

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    1. Not ready to go to the bionic place. Thanks for the hug :)

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  2. I figure that if you've gone this long running with the pain, you could keep on going. It isn't denial at all and it isn't hurting things further, it might be a reason to ignore your body, right? :)

    I also love my tennis ball massages. Hurts so good.

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    1. LOL...it isn't even really ignoring my body. My body has been saying, "we're pretty okay!" I like what you're saying :)

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  3. Your last paragraph is ON POINT. That's my response whenever I read a "woe is me" blog post about injuries... and what I kept reminding myself of when I was feeling so sorry for myself, recovering from ACL surgery (circa 10 years ago). You are a smart lady, I think you'll figure something out.

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  4. SUCH an important point there. And I feel so selfish in appreciating you for articulating it for those of us who need to learn that lesson about healing and recovery and respecting/celebrating our bodies and what they can do for us. You're the one coming to grips with a crappy situation and other people stand to benefit from the lessons you're learning through the tough stuff... Doesn't seem fair.

    Regardless, please keep writing about it because I definitely want to keep reading.

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    1. Honestly, if people are willing to learn the lessons through me, I am fine going through it :) I know I am learning so much. I hope my experience can help someone else. Please do keep reading :)

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  5. I think your body DOES have amazing healing properties. I know I'm a pharmacist and totally all "Western medicine" but the truth it, your body is great at adaptation and healing. I mean, shoot, you can live with a dying liver for decades and decades and just keep trying to regenerate it - and even though cartilage is a totally different story, I'd try the prolotherapy and go heavy on the glucosamine and see what happens (maybe even take chondroitin even though I don't think it can be absorbed orally; maybe if your body just obtains a little bit it will help).
    Thank you for the reminder to let our bodies heal. You know I needed to hear that.

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    1. I'm going to try the prolotherapy and the glucosamine/chondroitin and a whole mess of other stuff! I will keep you all posted and will keep thinking positively :)

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  6. So sorry to hear about this - hope things go well even though it's not something that can get 'better' for you. Thanks for sharing the post on perspective though, it's really helpful to read.

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    1. I am so glad it's helpful! Thanks so much for your kind words :)

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  7. My friend replaced a hip a few years ago. His blog is bionictriathlete.blogspot.com his was injured from an accident as a teen and he has done really well since. Good luck as you navigate your options.

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    1. Thanks for directing me over there! Fascinating stuff! I wish he'd reply to my attempt at initiating conversation!

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  8. Yeow! That image is a rough one. I am glad you have things that do provide some relief and that you have come up with a plan that you are relatively comfortable with.

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    1. Thanks! I know... the mental picture skeeves me so badly!

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  9. Oh this post hurts me!! I know you will find a way to conquer this and I will be thinking of you!! Hugs from NE!

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    1. I know! Don't ever let this happen to YOU!!!! But since I won't be training for anything any time soon, maybe I can come hang w/ you and your baby later this summer :)

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  10. The Berkeley Rowing Club is pretty darn affordable. $150/year gets you access to good boats... the downsides are that it's mostly single sculls (there's a double and a quad though) and that Aquatic Lagoon is, well, Aquatic Lagoon. The Lake Merritt Club is $360/year with a couple of teams

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    1. BRC just seems so much "on your own" and I really enjoy the team angle. Talk to me about this some more, though.

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  11. I am sorry you are dealing with all this...really...

    I need to say thank you for writting this...

    "Take time to take care of your body. If you're sick or hurting...give that awesome body a break. Don't curse it. Don't ignore it. You really don't want to have to deal with something like this. Trust me."

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    1. You're more than welcome, Caroline. And thank YOU :)

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  12. Ugh.

    I hope the prolotherapy consult goes well - that imagining bone on bone thing with the mortar and pestle makes me cringe like nails on a chalk board.

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    1. LOL...I know! me, too...everything you said :)

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  13. love the advice at the end. it could always be worse. i enjoy reading about it-and obviously get where you are coming from. hugs.

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