suburban master bedroom
Scene opens with sunlight streaming through miniblinds, softly illuminating rumpled bedding and a couple engaged in quiet tête-à-tête (that means conversation)...
you will need to imagine the people
Enter stage left, bursting through the door without knocking is broadly smiling child, Girl, about 9 years of age, in pajamas.
GIRL: Mom! The tooth fairy came! Girl is excited because the resident TF frequently is sleeping on the job.
WOMAN: That's great, honey! What did she leave you? Woman gives Man sly wink and a nod...she is, afterall, the TF.
GIRL: (exploding with excitement) TWENTY DOLLARS!!!!!!
MAN: (choking) Wow...... (Man looks at Woman simultaneously questioningly and disapprovingly). That's some tooth fairy.
WOMAN: (who has been speechless until this moment and shaking head "no" at Man, finds her voice) What??????? TWENTY dollars? You're not serious? Her incredulity is genuine.
GIRL: (nearly shrieking with delight) Yeesssssssss! TWENNNNNTY dollars!!!!!!!! Wanna see it?
WOMAN: (still struggling to find words she can use in front of Girl) Ummmmmm...yeah... let me get up and you can show it to me.
Girl scampers out of the room. Woman gets out of bed to follow her, not scampering. Man looks at Woman with the disgust and contempt reserved for only the most over-indulgent of parents.
MAN: (chuckling, thankfully for Woman) What the f*** were you thinking?
WOMAN: (stopping at doorway, turning around to face Man) I did not give her a twenty. I swear it was a five.
MAN: A FIVE? I still ask, what were you thinking? Man is now laughing uproariously.
WOMAN: I wanted it to be special because she lost two teeth in 24 hours, and I know she was super bummed about the last time.
WOMAN: I cannot believe I gave her twenty...I swear it was five. She is visibly dumbfounded.
MAN: (shaking his head and still chuckling) The numbers on the bill are usually a dead giveaway, babe.
WOMAN: It was dark. I was already in bed and almost asleep when I remembered...I went downstairs in the dark and got the bill that had the Lincoln Memorial on the back...that's about all I could make out. I can't believe I gave her a twenty. That's not right. The five is the one with the Lincoln Memorial on the back, right? Right?
Woman exits stage left, off to see proof that the tooth fairy does indeed suffer from night-blindness or is an idiot or something.
What was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to say, "Whoa, sistah... that wasn't supposed to be a twenty. Give it back and let's try again"? That would totally blow my cover. Baby X still believes.
Am I stupid? No. Am I over-indulgent? No. So what happened?
It was dark. I was tired.
It is easy to see the difference between this...
But look at how similar those three bills are...especially in the middle portion.
Buildings with columns. Easy to get confused, right?
Look at what happens when you fold them...it's even trickier to tell them apart...
And when you fold them again (which is what I did in the dark), they are almost the same...
easy to mistake windows for columns in the dark :P
I took my little, old-fashioned, columned building folded up into a little square and swapped it with this...
and went to bed.
And I gave us all a tooth fairy memory we will probably never forget!
What's your best or worst tooth fairy memory?
This is one of my favorite recent posts...I'm sharing it at...
come on over and link up a favorite post, too!
And I didn't mean to give her a twenty!
To clarify...our going TF rate is usually a dollar :)