27 March 2012

Ice Baths, Balls, and the Evil Parking Authority

You know that since this will address the Evil Parking Authority there will be cursing in this post. I am saving it for the end, so if that sort of thing offends you...well, you can stop before we get to it.

These three things named in the title are completely unrelated, one to the other. Hence, they are tangents ...stabbing out into the world from my life. And today is Tuesday. But Triple Tangent Tuesday as a title is so trite. No offense intended if you titled your post thusly today.

First up, the Ice Bath. After Sunday's run, which was my longest run in a few months and doubled my mileage for the month of March even though it was 'only' 6.6 miles, I was feeling pretty thrashed and decided an ice bath was in order. My awesome family had come to retrieve me from my hand-off spot and delivered me to my own vehicle post-haste. (I was lucky enough to get a good walk in between finishing my leg and getting picked up...a nice walk through a questionable part of town but everyone loves a runner wearing a race bib so I encountered nothing but smiles...also lucky for me). My husband hurried home to start an ice bath for me. So thoughtful! The only downside of this was... when the equivalent of a 5-lb bag of ice has been sitting in a tub of cold water for 15 minutes it is WAAYYYY harder to sit your heinie down in the water than if you wait until you're IN the water and THEN add the ice.
See? Major goosebumps...and you can't hear the screeching of bad words...
fortunately, I kept that under my breath...but did say them out loud.
Lesson: always get in before adding the ice!

Next up, the Balls. Why do people do this? We dropped Big G off at his tutor yesterday and this was parked out front of the trendy Berkeley café...

He found this hilarious...that someone would put a ballsack on their car. I found it even more hilarious that they were put on a Volvo station wagon...the absolute ballsiest of cars...not. I especially love how the driver of this Volvo color-coordinated his/her TruckNutz (that is their real name) with the car's exterior...snazzy. And tough. Do you have TruckNutz? What color TruckNutz should I put on my dark grey minivan?

Now for the bit about the Evil Parking Authority...get set... the vile profanity is about to begin...

...are you ready?


After the car-nad sighting and dropping G off with his tutor, I decided that the sunshiny day would be perfect for a brief playground outing with the other three kids. We drove a very short distance to a fun park and parked the car here...

view from driver seat...
street sweeping schedule signage peeking out from behind telephone pole...
the identical sign just behind my car (out of view) stated that this was NOT street sweeping day.

We walked across the street to the play structures and had a blast for about 35 minutes. Then it was time to head back to the car. Upon arriving at the car, I noticed a white envelope tucked under my windshield wiper. Yes, a f*cking parking ticket. Issued five minutes before we returned to the car. Nice. I couldn't for the life of me figure out the statement in the 'reason' section...something about 2-hour zone and permit only...we had only been there for 35 minutes! And the resident permit parking areas allow non-permitted vehicles to park for 2 hours...in most places. So then I start walking up and down the street trying to figure this bullsh*t out....truly baffled... and I see this ONE f*cking sign...

...a single, lone sign and it had been neatly obscured from my view by that telephone pole. 
Probably the only BLOCK in Berkeley that has this sign on it...f*ckers.

The City of Berkeley is notorious for overly vigilant, borderline vicious parking officers. The sit near meters that are ticking down and start writing tickets as the driver is climbing into the car. They will watch a driver park in a weirdly signed, ticketable spot and not say a thing...eager to write that ticket and reach their quota. It has created an incredibly hostile parking environment. There are warnings posted on meters and on the officers' vehicles declaring that assault on a parking enforcement officer is a crime and will be punished to the fullest extent of the law. People want to seriously hurt these guys.

Anyway... so I got my ticket, found out why, got in the car, and what was running through my mind? Stupid mutherf*cker assh*le cocks*cker d*ckwad f*ckface b*tches...seriously...what.the.f*ck? Then I realized...my bad. Not healthy to get so f*cking worked up over a missed sign. There was a sign. That officer was just doing his/her job. It was not personal. It was just business. And I broke the rules. Once I was done being angry about the situation, I just felt stupid. I really didn't want to pay $49 for 35 minutes in the park. That's my set of chrome TruckNutz right there.


  1. This entire post just had me cracking up!!!!!

  2. I am not even kidding - Colin and I just took some pics of balls on a truck - WTF?!!?!?

    I don't get it. If you think a truck gives you balls then why do you need a sack hanging down there??? and also - balls aren't sexy FYI! balls are gross, sweaty, yucky weird things - I don't even know how men deal with them, let alone why they'd want to display them :P

    I can't stop laughing at the balls!

    PS: station wagons?!?!? now that I haven't seen! lol

  3. Sorry about the ticket. Hate it when that happens! I have never seen anything like that hanging from someone's car. Hilarious that it was a Volvo!

  4. Haha, wow. Every once in awhile I see a pickup truck in town here that has giant letters (professionally done) painted on the tailgate. It says, "Show Me Your Tits". No joke. WTF, people?

  5. I read of people taking ice baths for what ails them. I sincerely hope that is as close to one as I come. Just the thought.

    As for the trucknutz, I think it's nice that the idiots that walk among us are so kind as to identify themselves so clearly.

    In Calgary there is a neat way of paying for parking by phone. I'm told, though this hasn't happened to me, that if you try to call in for a zone when it's not legal to park there, it won't start a parking session, and will warn you. I had one session where it told me it was going to end in 10 minutes, which was good because I couldn't find any signs, and was only going to be about 5.

    There is doing your job. And there's being a dick about doing your job. Cops, bylaw enforcement, lawyers, and some other professions have far too many of the latter.

  6. Sorry about the ticket. That is pretty rude you can't park somewhere for a half an hour without that happening. You are right though the meter people are just doing their job.

    I see a lot of the hanging nuts on pickup trucks here in the St. Louis area. Nothing says I'm mature like pretending your junk is hanging from your trailer hitch :-).

  7. I hate those balls hanging from trucks...oh I mean station wagons. Why don't you just grow some of your own?!

  8. The ticket thing sucks. The husband "getting" the need for the ice bath is awesome. And the truck balls, on a station wagon, no less...every time I see those things I just shake my head.

  9. I can't imagine an ice bath--you are tough!! And I agree, those "balls" are ridiculous!

  10. I love passing vehicles that have balls. Every time I do, I say (out loud even), "Yeah, your truck has balls, but you just got passed by a toaster!" Why didn't I design those?? It could have been my million dollar idea. I could hear my husband now. "What does your wife do?" "She designs balls." Awesome.

    Sorry about the ticket! Grrrr.

  11. You've definitely got balls to get in a tub of ice! Yikes!

  12. Laughing here. I would have been pissed too. Sorry about that. You're so funny. And the balls on a the car...Who does that? I mean, it would be interesting to see the statistics on who buys those things. Yeah, I'm a WIMP when it comes to cold water. Just water is cold enough without the ice. Then I'm really a wimp but I think I might be due for another one.

  13. I'm such a wuss, I've never even put ice in my "ice" bath. Our water is plenty cold right out of the tap, thankyouverymuch.

    Our parking people are the same way. It pretty much sucks.

  14. Oh dear. Hahahahah. Yeah, I think I've done that on the parking thing before too...get all bent out of shape when it actually turned out to be my fault. They should make signs neon or flashing or something!!

    I used to ice bath regularly and actually thought it was very therapeutic during the ice bath but didn't really do anything for my legs in a quicker recovery so I stopped doing them. Maybe I will again when the weather gets hot...hard to take an ice bath when it's like 30 below zero out all winter. You're one major BA ice bather!

  15. Mmph. New Orleans is the worst for really sketchy parking tickets. Hate it.

  16. Parking police - been an issue for a long time. The Beatles wrote a song about it even.

  17. You should attach a picture of the ballz to your check to pay for the ticket. Just for fun.
    I would've reacted exactly the same as you. :)

  18. What is with the balls? Is this a west coast thing? I've never seen them and I'm grateful! As for the ticket, yes, it sucks and I completely sympathize. Same thing happens around here, all the time (including the threatened bludgeonings of the traffic agents.) Only here, they'll charge you $150 instead of $50. RIDONKULOUS. I guess the moral is, don't get tickets. :(

  19. OK, now that the sensible people have left, and hopefully not set their comments to receive follow ups...

    1. Ice baths are of the DEVIL. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate cold water, and I can completely sympathize with you over turning the air, and well other things blue, when getting into the water. BUT they do make your legs feel better.

    2. TruckNutz on a Vulva? Really? That is kinda hermaphroditic isn't it? Maybe it is like the guy who has the really tricked out 4x4 truck...making up for the body part they are lacking?

    3. Meter maids eat their young.

  20. I think I had to pay more for parking fines in college than I had to pay for books! Seriously my parents were considering taking the car away!! I love the bada$$ Volvo driver...or rather the wanna be Bada$$ Volvo driver! Those things are always disturbing but are usually on giant trucks. Hmmm....

  21. OMG my husband wants those chrome nuts for his truck. Unfortunately, he's serious, I have discovered. And he didn't understand why I wouldn't think they were cool. We're not on two separate planets, we're in different galaxies on this one! lol

  22. There's a way to take an ice bath that isn't horrifying? Getting in BEFORE the ice?! News to me!! Will try that next time! The truck nutz, so GROSS, tacky and tasteless!! And parking tickets, oh how I hate them and hypervigilant meter maids make me stabby! Sorry about the stupid parking rules and the ticket. Glad you had fun before!

  23. This post definitely made me laugh -- sorry about the ticket! I've never seen the truck nutz thing - totally tacky! And I do not know how you got in that tub...I am an ice bath wimp for sure!

  24. I am seriously chilly now! I bet you wouldn't have gotten a ticket if you had shiny metal sack dangling in the breeze on your car!

  25. This post is hysterical! I hate when people put those on their cars or trucks. It just makes it seem like they are compensating for something.


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