10 December 2010


"Mommy, I said the eff word today... by accident."

By accident?  The eff word?  How does the eff word just slip out of the mouth of a five-year old?

And don't say, "well, he probably learned it from you!"  because I do not swear in front of my kids.

I grew up in a swearing house.  I went to kindergarten with a pottymouth and didn't even know it was a bad thing.  I remember my disbelief at getting in trouble for using some choice language.  Choice.

The situation worsened as I grew older.  I did get wiser about when to not curse... like not in front of my father or my paternal grandparents, not at school where teachers or administrators could hear, not in front of customers at work, etc.  But my peer group was full of pottymouths.  Full.

By the time I met my husband, I talked like the proverbial sailor.  Every fifth word was probably an expletive... and most likely the eff word in some form.  Well, the deal was he had kids.  He did not want that kind of language around his children.  I had to clean up my mouth if I wanted to meet his kids.  So I did.

I do not swear in front of kids... his, mine, yours, any.  Okay... I have slipped a very few times.  The word "crap" has started creeping in ... "I am tired of this crap!"  "I am tired of your crappy attitude!"  And the expression "pissed off" has also surfaced... "I am really pissed off about this!"  "Your crap attitude is really pissing me off right now!"  (Feeling pretty good that I have been so clean for 15 years!) And these little outbursts are not commonplace occurrences, so the impact of the fairly mild curse word is pretty dramatic... the kids really sit up and take notice.  Big G thought that "stupid" was a bad word until he was about 9.  Then I let him watch "Spaceballs."

Not too sure what I was thinking there.  I remembered my stepkids watching it and loving it and I thought they were about 9 or 10 when they saw it.  So I actually bought the movie (it was on sale for $5... hard to not buy it) and watched it with him.  Whoa.  As we watched, I realized that my stepkids were middle schoolers when they saw it.  And I had completely blanked on the amount of swearing.

Big G enjoyed the movie but was puzzled by some of the words.  Finally, after one scene in which the word in question is said about 20 times, he asked me,
"Mom, what's an a**hole?"  
"Well, technically it's the hole in your bottom where the poop comes out..." 
"EEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!  why would you call someone that?"  
"But it can also be what someone might call someone else when he can't think of a worse thing to call them... like when they are just such a totally bad person and really mean... sort of like that.  But it is a word that you never say at school.  Ever.  And if I hear you use it, you will be spending a whole lot of time in your room.  If you feel like you need to say it, say it to yourself in your room.  You have a very good vocabulary and I am sure you would be able to find a more appropriate word to use."  
"Oh, I know, mom.  Okay."  
No problem.

So yesterday when Q-man told me he had used the eff word, the very first thing I could think of was "Where in the heck did he pick that up?!!?"  Then, of course, I was wondering to whom he said it and who might have heard and what did they think I was teaching my kids!  Still trying to get the the truthful bottom of this.  I know they do hear stuff at school... so it must be someone else's kid ;-)  right?

And then I remembered something that happened over the summer...

You know the Name Game song?

Julie, Julie bo boolie,
Banana fanna fo foolie,
Me my mo moolie,

The kids were having a blast singing that song and Big G remarks, "You can do it with ANY name!"  And I made the huge mistake of saying to him... and only him... "Yeah, just don't do 'Chuck'."

He looked puzzled for about 2 seconds (while he sang it in his head, I am sure) and then his eyes got opened up really wide and he made that "oooooo" face.  He looked up at me and started laughing really hard and said, "yeah... you're right!"  

I think he may have said something to Q-man.

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