Recommencing...

A lot has transpired since my last post way back in mid July...enough to overwhelm me to the point of saying let's leave it at that and start from here.

It was a super busy summer. Yes, we went to the zoo. Come on...it was vacation. Of course we went to the zoo! No elephant penis this time, but.... the alpha male baboon was extremely happy to be alive. The kids giggled but it wasn't particularly noteworthy. The baby baboon, on the other hand, was adorable.

Family-friendly photo.

My kids are still super amazing and beautiful. Yes, they FINALLY all started school this week. I now have a kid in high school, one in middle school, one in elementary school and one in preschool.

Lest you think I now have tons of time to live a life of leisurely manicures and pedicures (which I've never been inclined to get anyway) or fun shopping excursions to places other than the grocery store or daily yoga/pilates/whatever classes now that everyone is out of the house for the better part of the day, think again. We are in the midst of a moving fiasco. Most of you know that moving in and of itself is a pain in the ass, right? Okay, now throw the word "fiasco" in there. It super sucks. I'll explain more later. Maybe. If I remember.

Bottom line on family life: All's well. Yay.

Today I met with awesome singing injection doctor for the seventh time since February. There have been some ups and downs regarding my overall health and my hip, but things seem to return to a level place eventually. I've done precious little in the way of exercise, and that's still been okay with me. But...

After conferring with my physical therapist, my chiropractor, my massage therapist, my awesome singing injection doctor and MYSELF, it has been determined that it is not unrealistic to start a little running again at the end of the month and additionally not unrealistic to possibly run 5K on Thanksgiving (yay, Sonoma Turkey Trot...of course it won't be to defend my title...lol).

I'm hoping to post more frequently now that the kids are back in school, but that most likely won't really happen until the moving situation is sorted out.

Nonetheless, here I am :)

Hi!  *smiles and waves*

Hope you all are doing well and hope we can get reacquainted.




If you want to see some photos from our summer adventures, I've been posting on Instagram...xlmic.

What the doctor said...

Today I had a phone consultation with my health plan's orthopedics guy to discuss my diagnosis.

I had a massive list of questions for him and was anticipating him to be a pompous, disdainful jerk. I based this on his online reviews. What I quickly realized once we began talking is that smart doctors appreciate well-informed, energetic, proactive patients. On the flip side, smart doctors tend to be a little dismissive and impatient with patients who don't really take care of their bodies. This guy is a smart doctor. And I am his perfect patient.

(all quoted dialogue is not necessarily directly quoted!)

Right away he said, "I'm not sure if I should give it to you straight...or if I should sugar-coat it a little."

"Give it to me straight up," I told him. "I don't mess around."

He laughed.

Then he got serious and said, "Your hip is done."

He proceded to tell me that there is no evidence of cartilage in there...it's a bone-on-bone situation. I am lucky that I am thin and active and fit and healthy...and "obviously very energetic."

I asked him about getting an MRI. "No need," he said. "The damage is done. There is no repair surgery to do. There's essentially nothing left." He went on to say that I had not done this to myself...I had done nothing wrong.

Then we talked about what I've been doing for the past 2+ years. He was floored. And not annoyed or frustrated or scolding. "I'm not going to tell you to not do anything," he said. "You can keep doing the things you want to do with the comfort level that works for you. The only thing I suggest is that you please don't wait until you've been inactive due to the pain for months and lose your fitness and your positive outlook to get the surgery. Being strong and positive will be critical for you to do well. Keep that in mind!"

He said running is not the best choice. Rowing is fine. Cycling, elliptical, pretty much anything except running...but he's not going to tell me to not run. "You'll know if it hurts too much...you can't make the condition worse," is what he basically said.

Based on my x-ray, he had wanted to put me on his surgery schedule immediately, but after talking with me he feels that would definitely be premature.

"Radiologically, you're a mess. Clinically, you're amazing. I can't say when you will need the replacement...or when you'll want it. But when that time comes, I'm here."

And we wished each other a nice day.

So now I begin setting up appointments to talk with various providers about treatments to help keep me strong. Physical therapist, chiropractor, acupuncturist, naturopath...I'm building an team.

If anyone has dealt with this and has some great ideas for me, please let me know in a comment or email!

Many thanks to RockStarTri and The Unexpected Runner for all your advice and willingness to share your insights. And many thanks to all of you, my generous and thoughtful readers, for your kind words and enthusiasm for my journey yet-to-come!

Anyone have personal experience with prolotherapy?
–this treatment option has me intrigued...

She's a natural...

And it's winter...

Two beautiful photos for you on this beautiful day :)

Still cranking through this high school application biz...hope to be done tonight! But then it will be time to tackle the financial end of things. I remember complaining about college tuition going up over ten grand...we're looking at triple that for high school :P Keep wishing me some luck :)

Hope to spend some more time here later in the week!

Wishing you all a lovely day :)

September So Far...

Since I returned from my Nuun Hood to Coast Relay adventure (you can find the postings here), life has been very full. Not that it isn't usually rather full, but with a brief family vacation (to be blogged about at a not-too-distant future date) sandwiched directly in between the Nuun trip and my husband going out of town for a bit ...and then school starting for all four of my kids within days of his return... see what I mean? Oh, right...and my oldest child became a teenager!

Here is a bulleted summary of September so far...

• Big G became a teenager on Labor Day. The weekend was fraught with him pissing and moaning about not having his birthday party right then...he likes things the way he likes them and when he likes them. But his friends all had plans that weekend, so he had to wait. We celebrated as a family with an egg-free, gluten-free, dairy-free cake that I nicknamed "Leadbelly" because the thing was so freakin' heavy...and flat. It did not rise one millimeter. It tasted good, though...sort of like solid vanilla pudding. We had to improvise with the candles... 8 plus (fire hydrant) 5 = 13. Thank goodness we had that fire hydrant or you might've thought the poor kid was turning 85.

• The following weekend I hosted a sleepover party for five 13-year old boys. They ate pizza and played Munchkin (yeah, better click that link because it's probably not what you're thinking). Then they ate "Son of Leadbelly" cake and watched Zoolander (they went to our local video rental place and selected this one...so interesting seeing the variations in tastes amongst 13-year old boys...one wanted to get Tomb Raider but another said, "No...they're not big enough," a comment that was lost on my innocent and somewhat immature son). I am kind of a bitch-mom when it comes to sleepovers...I enforce a bedtime. For these guys it was midnight. At 11:30, I told them it was time for lights out, cell phones away, and voices lowered. They didn't really follow that directive until I announced it was 11:50 and started singing "Kumbaya". For real, I did. This led to a chill moment in which a brain among them had the opportunity to come up with a brilliant idea...

Hey, guys!!! Let's go run around the block in our underwear...at midnight!!!!

Genius.

Did I let them? You betcha. Our neighborhood is very safe (remember: The Gate) and the block is very small (4 houses on a side). They were instructed to be quiet(ish) and to wear shoes. It took them all of 3 minutes. Big G did not participate. He gave the whole idea the stink-eye. And as the other boys ran out the door, G exclaimed...

Where's the camera?  

And yes, he got it all on video. Including a mooning. And no, the video will not ever be published. Unless one of the boys decides to run for office as an adult ;-)

The good news: they were exhausted by the excitement and rigorous exercise and fell asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillows.

• Working out...

Running 3 days a week... short/short/long...2.25 mi/2.25 mi/6 mi the first week and 4.2 Moeser miles/2.25 mi/8.64 hilly trail miles (with the lovely Roserunner) the second week. I have done nothing this week. Nada.

Elliptical happened 4 times in those two weeks and not at all this week. Between 30 and 50 minutes at HR z2 for the longer sessions and z3-4 for the short ones. 

Climbing was extra special :)  I had the opportunity to go into the climbing gym before hours with my instructor/friend and we were the only ones there. It was so fun to just take our time and climb without ever waiting for a route to free up. All was quiet except for our personal conversation...without wondering if anyone was eavesdropping ;-) I had taken a break from climbing leading up to Hood to Coast because sometimes it tweaks my alignment and I didn't want to risk anything before the relay. Starting back up has been challenging due to the busyness of life the past two to three weeks, but finding the school-starting-again groove will definitely get it happening again...and I can't wait.

A killer two-and-a-half-day migraine has put a little damper on exercise things this week. It's almost over so hopefully tomorrow will see some sweaty action. 

• I posted a giveaway. I love my Endorphin Warrior bracelet and am fortunate enough to be able to offer one to a lucky winner of a random drawing. Enter here to win your very own with a keyword or phrase that speaks to you.

And that concludes the initial September So Far summation.

Stay tuned for more random bullets in addition to a post on what I found to be a successful nutrition/fueling plan for the relay, a compilation and review of the products I received and used during the relay, and a post giving more details on my elliptical training. Who knows when I'll get around to any of it...but it is coming. 

Sort of like a fairytale...only not. (Entry for Oiselle's Totally Trials Contest)

One of my favorite running buddies and I are throwing our combined hat into the ring and entering the Oiselle Totally Trials contest, the winners of which will get to see the last three days of the Olympic Track and Field Trials in Eugene, Oregon. The grand prize includes not just tickets to the events but airfare, lodging, and a post-race bash DJ'ed by MC Hammer. The whole concept just feels too legit to quit. "F*CK YEAH!!!" was RoseRunner's response when I asked if she was interested. Good to know we're on the same page.


Part of the contest asks us what we want to see and who we want to meet if we were to win. Our answers:  

• We'd both like to meet the oldest female competitor. 
• We both like the relays because it isn't always about a superstar...it is about being a part of something. 
• We also both like the long jump because it is akin to flying.  
• I really admire the javelin throwers because I have actually tried to throw a javelin and have felt the challenges of the combination of coordination, explosiveness, and total body strength.

And without further ado, here is our story...

Once upon a time...

...and they lived happily ever after...

...in Hammer pants.

*If you're confused as to why I chose the background music... well, did you forget that MC Hammer will be the DJ at the post-race bash? And since major memories are sparked when I hear it, and both RoseRunner and I have lived in his hometown, it became necessary to use it.*

Prepping for my new plan...

It's been an XL Cardio Extravaganza over here lately.

And I just realized that I feel like I did in the old days. Just this very minute I realized that. I wrote this whole post and have come back to the beginning to add this. I've been lying on the sofa nearly comatose since 9 a.m. this morning (it's now almost 2 p.m.) and not because I feel sick. It might have a little to do with getting up at the butt-crack of dawn to take Big G to the airport for his school field trip to DC...but this feels differently than just lack of sleep for one night. Poor little Miss C has watched the same Shaun the Sheep DVD no less than 6 consecutive times while I have been crashed out. Bad mommy.

Of course, she did her crashing on the floor at the airport this morning...

but only for about 10 minutes...not 5 hours!

Here's what I've been up to...

After getting some solid cardio in 5 times the previous week for a total of a bit over 5 hours, the training goal this past week was to get something in every day...hopefully for at least an hour. I managed 7 cardio workouts for a total of just under 8 hours. It looked something like this...

• Monday: 55 min. on the elliptical trainer henceforth referred to as ET (followed by 90 min. of rock climbing, not counted toward workout time total)
• Tuesday: 40 min. bike ride + 20 min. easy run = 60 min.
• Wednesday: 90 min. cardio extravaganza! 20 min ET/10 min StairMaster (SM) X 3
• Thursday: 40 min. ET (followed by 2 hrs of climbing, not counted toward workout time total)
• Friday: 60 min. cardio... 20 min ET/10 min SM X 2
• Saturday: 95 min. cardio extravaganza! 25 min ET/10 min SM X 2 + 20 min ET/5 min stair climber thing (different from SM...this one is those weirdly rolling stairs)
• Sunday: 74 min. easy run

Increasing my volume did come with a price. My Thursday workout felt super blah or even blech. I was tired and sluggish. Usually on the machines I am revved and excited and hit my HR targets cleanly and consistently while maintaining a very even (or often slightly increasing) pace. But Thursday I was struggling. My legs just didn't really want to turn over with any alacrity. My mind was wandering all over the place, and little things started to annoy me...a sure sign that I am not doing so well. But it was short, and the climbing after it was great...so I'm not dwelling on one imperfect workout :)

I'm LOVING the longer sessions. There is something super satisfying about 90+ minutes of hard work.

This coming week will involve a bit more running. I miss being outside. And my run Sunday told me that I do need a little more pounding of the pavement. I think had it not been a whole lot hotter than I am used to it would have felt like a great, chatty run with a great friend...or two :) All of the cardio work certainly helped, I didn't feel tired just hot and distracted by being hot. Oh, and then we got lost on the return of our out-and-back! We were bringing up the rear of a whole lot of runners participating in the local Lululemon anniversary fun run and didn't see where everyone else had turned. Oops.

"Did we go through a tunnel on the way out?"
"I don't think so..."
"Me neither..."
"Where the F are we?"

...and that question hung in the air for quite a few minutes while we tried to figure it out....

We made it back to all of our friends at the meeting place after running an extra mile and went out to brunch with quite an awesome group...

top row: page, sima, kristin, aron, courtney, cate, A, beth

front row: katie a, SFMarathon, me, layla, jessica, karin

and forgive me if I screwed up any names or links...and sima, I couldn't find your info!

and you can see my Happy Birthday balloon from katie reflected in the mirror!

And because I was having a great time running and brunching with friends yesterday, I missed my joint birthday party with George Clooney. Yes, we were both celebrating our special day...sadly, not together...again.

It's hard to tell who was more bummed that I couldn't make it...

him or me?

Nah, he looks like he's doing alright...

But my family did make me a cake and brownies. And if he could see my cake...

I know it looks like I turned three hundred nineteen, but seeing as how we found ourselves 

once again lacking the proper candles, we needed to get creative...

3 + 1 = 4...that's the tens. And the 9 is the ones.

Put them together and you have...

49!!!

...you know George would be jealous.

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and is looking forward to a fantastic week!

Until I can do more of this...

I'll be contenting myself with a bunch of this...

source

....a little StairMaster, and some of this...

Except maybe not that fast...

I've received a few questions about my latest method of cross-training. Below are some answers.

Why am I climbing?

I decided to take that "Do something everyday that scares you" thing to heart. Climbing scares the crap out of me. First of all, you go up really while high clinging to the face of a wall. Secondly, if you have trust issues (like I do) you need to get over it because you are relying on someone to make sure you are safe. Sometimes putting psychological things into a physical framework helps me to work through them.  I'm not ready to do this outside on 'real' rocks. Maybe I'll try that when the inside kind no longer scares me :) In the meantime, it's proving to be an amazing core workout and is also greatly increasing my upper body strength.

How does one climb?

There are basically two ways...roped climbing and bouldering. 

• bouldering – you aren't going up higher than roughly 15 feet and so aren't roped onto anything. If you fall (or jump) you land on thick, soft mats. 
• roped climbing – you're going up higher and would get really, really hurt if you were to fall, so you are attached to the wall by ropes set up in a belay system. There is top rope climbing in which the rope is anchored at the top of the climbing route and there is lead climbing wherein the rope is not anchored but is attached to the climber and clipped through intermediate points of protection as the climber proceeds up the face of the wall.

Both types of climbing utilize a series of different types of handholds and footholds. These range widely in terms of ease of use. Click here to see a photo chart of different handholds and how they are used. That link provides some great general climbing info for the uninitiated.

I seem to prefer big jug holds (plentiful in easier routes) where I can grab on and try to haul myself up the face of the rock, completely spending my lame, weak arms and shoulders super quickly.

source

I loathe the smooth 'holds' that one is supposed to use more for bracing and pressing and gaining leverage. They demand proper technique.

source

click the source link to see other even more difficult slopers

My objective now is to work those smoothies (called slopers) until I love them. Initially, I hated rock overhangs and 'ceilings', but I told my instructor to work me on those. Now I don't exactly love them, but I can do them and do not ever shy away from them...until the end of the climbing session when I can scarcely tie and untie my rope :P I want to achieve this comfort-level with slopers.

What do the numbers mean? When you say 10a or 10b, what do you mean?

I like this site's explanation of the system most widely used in the U.S. It provides this helpful quote... 

• Class 1: you fall, you're stupid.
• Class 2: you fall, you break your arm.
• Class 3: you fall, you break your leg.
• Class 4: you fall, you are almost dead (i.e., you can't breath and move your arms, legs, and head).
• Class 5: you fall, you are dead.   

The routes I've been climbing are rated 5.x with the 5 part indicating the class as stated immediately above. The x is the 10a or 10b part...or what have you. Scroll down a little further on the above link to see an explanation of the class 5 subdivisions. Size of holds, types of holds, scarcity of holds all come into play in the rating.

Right now I am able to complete 5.10b routes consistently. I've done one 10c and it was unbelievably challenging for me. The jump from 10b to 10c felt huge. Part of this has to do with my lack of upper body strength and my impatience regarding proper form and technique. 

What do I like about climbing?

I enjoy pushing the envelope. Climbing is unlike anything I've ever done before. So much attention and focus is required while simultaneously taxing one's physical limits and being forced to trust another individual to completely have your back ...or rope. Forget total body workout...climbing is a total being workout! Every facet of you must be engaged regardless of the end of the rope to which you are attached. I love the complete and utter absorption while on the wall or belaying someone on the wall. I do my crowd-scoping between climbs ;-)

Right now I am climbing with a partner twice a week for approximately 2 hours each time. It provides a nice break from the cardio load I'm working on presently while also serving as a bit of a strength-and-core building. And it is healing. In fact, I'll probably keep doing it even when I am able to again do more of this...

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend :)

Blister Care

What do you do when you get a blister?

When I used to row, I got blisters at every seasonal transition. In the spring when we went back out on the water after a winter of land training, the oar shredded my hands that were no longer appropriately callused. When summer's humidity kicked in...a new set of blisters appeared. As we headed back indoors in the late fall and winter, more time on the rowing machines meant different blisters and different calluses.

People often wonder why rowers don't wear gloves. Maybe rowers do nowadays, but back when I was rowing we never wore gloves. You lose your feel for the oar. And rowing is all about feel. Rowing with a hand covered with blisters is near impossible. You have to "take care" of them. The proper technique is necessary to avoid ripping or infection. If a blister rips, it is then an open wound. It is excruciating to put any pressure on an open wound. Sitting out practice time means your boat is without you. Going without you for too long necessitates replacement. Minimizing (or avoiding) time out of the boat was of tantamount concern.

I'm sharing with you the blister-popping method that I learned back in the day. I got the blister in question on Tuesday, popped it Wednesday, ellipticalled on it Wednesday night and ran on it this morning. This method is highly effective. Watch and learn :)

Addendum:  the additional peroxide use is somewhat overkill. Either peroxide or alcohol will work well.

Additional addendum:  cover with a bandaid to protect it from dirt for a few days.

Remember... happy feet = happy runners :)

It's the end of the week...

...we made it.

Whew.

A random brain dump to freshen me up for the weekend...

• So I raced last Sunday and I'm still sore. What up? I keep telling myself that it's because my brain forced my body to go way beyond its current fitness capabilities. I've been rolling and stretching, and I even did a little recovery run...of sorts. But I am just aching. My hip isn't too angry, which is good, but it also isn't happy. I need for it to be happy.

And sorry but no race pictures. Thankfully :) There were no photographers on the section of the course where I ran. I find that kind of weird. But whatcha gonna do?

• Yesterday was a climbing day. I've been going to the gym every other day or so to play on the elliptical and the treadmill and to work on the hangboard and pull-ups (I've decided I want to give myself a pull-up for my birthday in 6 weeks). The great news is that my hangboard/pull-up work is helping my hand and arm stamina. At the end of my session I was, for the first time, able to untie my own ropes.

Overhangs are no longer my nemesis...

source

...see how the rock juts out and over...overhang.

Now it's smooth handholds called slopers (click that to see different hand techniques).

source

No, they are not purple boobs.

I f*cking hate them. I actually cursed them under my breath yesterday when faced with them. I just don't know what to do with them...I slide right off. That means I am going to work them all the time until they no longer elicit profanity. 

• Bay to Breakers is approaching. I have 7 weeks to get ready. And 7 weeks to decide what "ready" means. I had set a lofty goal last fall of wanting to finish in an hour. That would be holding an 8-minute average pace for the entire 12K. Barring serious use of amphetamines or cocaine, that isn't going to happen. So...it isn't going to happen. Given that I essentially ran my race on Sunday at the same average pace (though it was a longer, more challenging course) as in 2011, I am going to set my sights for B2B on completion. And if completion seems to be well in hand, then I'll shoot for a little faster than last year. I need to be realistic in view of my lack of training. 

• I'm still trying to decide how to handle Hood to Coast Relay options. While I'd love to run with Team Nuun again, it's not a sure thing. And I will need to come up with a killer application idea. How can I ever top the nun running at noon for Nuun? 

Who wants to run Hood to Coast? Are you applying to run with Nuun? Have you ever run a long relay like it before? Did you have any super annoying people in your van? I was so lucky last year! I would go nuts if I had to deal with whiners or otherwise annoying teammates. But then again, I have a lot of practice with that particular facet of the experience...driving a minivan full of whining, screaming, complaining, fighting children every single day.

• I'm still wading through comments, thoughts, and emails in the wake of yesterday's post. Some people are really attached to their chocolate milk! I know I have a tendency to get on a soapbox and be a little pushy, so I'm not going to press this issue any further. If you feel solid in whatever nutritional decisions you are making, don't let someone else's say-so mess with you. If, however, the say-so makes you question your current mindset, by all means get busy researching! No one wants to feel like he or she is making poor choices...but sometimes poor choices are made. I'm not casting any stones because I know I make foolish decisions all the time :)

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And, hey! Lookie here...five different bullets! I could have called this "Five for Friday"...or something like that.

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend :)

I'll close with some alliteration  ;-)

Twosday

In the past two days I've done two things that two years ago I couldn't do.

First thing:  Last night I ran a total of about two miles with two of my kids.

To start, I went out with my big girl for her debut run in real running shoes. She was super jazzed. And she ran a strong and fairly steady 0.83 miles. This kid is no complainer...a trooper through and through.

Then I ran with G. We ran 1.25 somewhat steadily-paced miles fraught with huffing and puffing and intermittent naysaying...but he persevered and even picked things up considerably for the last quarter-mile. And once the kids were done, I ran a mile on my own and felt great. I think these slow, happy miles with the kids are doing wonders for me :)

Second thing:  Today I walked alone with my two boys and my two-year old...pain-free.

One of the saddest things about my injury has been my lack of availability to my family. My mobility being hindered by pain meant that I could last for about 30 minutes before I needed to shut down and go inward to cope...even when out for a simple stroll. If a kid took off (as toddlers are wont to do) I was screwed. So we didn't go for manyany walks without daddy...even though we live in such a fabulous area for walking.

It was glorious here today. I headed out with Q and G and little Miss C to our usual Bay Trail path. Even though I've shown you this place before and talked about walking or running or biking here before, today was really the first time I can claim 'pain-free.' Okay... I had a little tightness and stiffness...but no pain. We went slowly and everyone was fairly cooperative, which I am sure helped a ton :)

One super awesome thing about not being in constant pain is that I get to enjoy and appreciate the discoveries and ramblings of my kids instead of wondering when the #*@% we can head home so I can sit and ice and stretch...alone.

finding daisies ...

"Look, mommy...bird poop!"

"It's hard to walk on these big, sharp rocks..."

"I know G says I should appreciate this hard-packed clay surface with its light gravel dusting, 

but can we go home now?"

And so we did.

To run with my son...and other stuff...

One of the best things to come out of needing to step back with running is this...

Big G and his mama, post-run :)

Big G runs a timed mile for PE once a month. He's been a little discouraged that his times are not getting faster...in fact, they've gotten slower. His best was 7:57 or something like that just under an 8-minute mile. His last two have been around 9:15. He keeps wishing he were faster...but somehow that whole notion of doing the work to make that happen seemed to be escaping him. Then, about 10 days ago, he told me he really wanted to be able to get a better time, and when I suggested he come out and run with me a few times per week, he said "Okay." 

The first two times were agony. He was miserable and whiny. Huffing and puffing and slapping his feet and then shuffling his feet, he kept asking if we could stop...like, every 30 seconds. We were doing minilaps around the block (<0.2 mi) because he "didn't want to run too far"...failing to understand that a mile is a mile is a mile and running a whole mess of tiny loops might be way more boring than running a bigger loop fewer times. Whatever. Toward the end of the second run we did together, about when the pissing and moaning was at its zenith, I asked him, "So...does a manticore have wings?" And without hesitating or gasping for air, he rattled off several different descriptions of this mythological beast. And then he launched into a compare/contrast monologue between the manticore and a chimera which lasted for the rest of the run.

Since then, at the beginning of each subsequent outing, he starts right off asking me, "So what should we talk about this time?" And he's all chipper and jaunty as he rattles of myths and legends and tales of strange beasts from literature. There is usually a segment of the run where he starts groaning and gasping, but it seems to be happening later and later in the run and lasting for a shorter period of time. Go, Big G!

For the first time in his life, he is enjoying stepping out of his comfort zone. He even asked for real running shoes...so we got some yesterday. We've just gone regular, ol' running...no speedwork, no tempo crap...just running to run to have it be fun. I'm guessing that it can't help but improve his fitness level and mile time more than sitting on his butt doing homework would or playing alien-invaders-meet-the-knights-of-the-jedi-round-table-in-sherwood-forest...or whatever the heck he and Q-man play every single night when they are supposed to be doing homework.

We'll see this Wednesday when he runs in PE. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I know that an improvement will go a long way toward motivating him to keep it up. Unfortunately, I'm thinking the flip side of that also applies. But we're going for OPTIMISM here at Taking It On...so think good thoughts for my boy :)

After he and I ran 1.25 miles on Friday, I did an additional 3...that felt spectacular. They weren't particularly speedy, but they felt solid and comfortable and loose and happy, even though it was pouring rain for part of the run. It was so unbelievably encouraging. 

On Saturday, after our family went out in Sherry's honor (click here to see a slideshow tribute created by Sherry's cousin, Beth Risdon), I went for the nicest bike ride I've had in 3 months. It was a gorgeous day. I didn't cry. Irritating people and their leash-less dogs only bothered me a little bit. And I saw this...

Guy on a really tall bike...

...that he made himself...I asked.

When I showed these pictures to my husband, he wanted to know Why? What is the attraction to this? Would it make you ride faster? Is it refining balance or strength? What is the purpose of the Tall Bike? (he's a guy who always asks these kinds of questions...on a casual run together once early in our courtship, he asked me...just as casual conversation, mind you... "what is the basis of your spiritual foundation?" Yeah, inquiring minds want to know).

I told him that I didn't think there was a point to the Tall Bike...that I really thought is was just a creative thing and for attention. And he countered with, "Well...how do you know?" To which I replied, "I can tell by the boots." The guy's wearing image boots.

Sadly, my awesome Friday run, powerfully emotive walk Saturday morning, and joyous bike ride later that afternoon took their toll on me somehow. My guts are messed up and my back is in pain. The pain goes down my leg. I actually think the guts are hurting something in my pelvis (psoas, maybe?) that is, in turn, bugging my back and leg. And I think this is likely related to that thing I did for the entire month of November that also screwed up my serotonin. The intricacies and interrelations of the human body are mind-blowing. 

I am looking forward to the day that I get this crap sorted out. Literally.

What Up Weds.

First, pursuant to the serotonin post, I had a great meeting with my clinician this morning. We've devised a plan that sounds like it will work. It will take a little time, but it leaves me hopeful :) Tomorrow I'll be asking my acupuncturist to throw her magic into the mix. Huge thanks to all of you pulling for me...your kind words and thoughts sent my way help more than you know. Or maybe you do know :)

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Second, I am running in a race this weekend. I am expecting big things since I've done a two-month taper and am quite well-rested ;-) It was intended to be my redemption half, and I was going to crush the two-hour barrier that has been eluding me. (It's a local race with a downhill/flat course, point-to-point...while feeling slightly like a cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater, I really wanted that number for some stupid reason....even though it wouldn't be a PR...I need to stop being competitive with anything other than my kid at Monopoly...at least for the moment). Since I haven't run anywhere near a "long" run in two months, I will be doing the race-day downgrade to a 5K. Let's place bets on how long it'll take me to run 5K...on a slightly long (3.2 miles), flat-and-downhill course. What do YOU think? Remember, I haven't run hardly at all in two months, and my time in November when I was kind of in shape was 24:01.

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Whoever is the closest to my actual, official finish time will win a prize...so give it your best guess :)

Finally, my 12-year old bookworm child told me yesterday that he wants to run with me. He wants to improve his timed mile for P.E. and would like to run a couple of times a week with me. I was happily stunned. So tonight I will run with Big G... the beginning of our Big Adventure in Running...or not. Maybe we should just keep it low-key and not blow a 1.5-mile run out of all proportion. Anyway...it'll be fun. I hope. And I'll bet he's hoping so, too.

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whoa...animation! i had no idea it did that when i swiped that image!

And that's what up this fine Weds.

What a Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino Means to Me.

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I saw this picture today when I was at Target...and I wanted that front one.

The Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino.

And I don't even drink coffee.

This is how I know when things are not going well. I start craving crap that I don't even like and stuff that I may like but makes me feel physically or emotionally awful. I won't indulge because it will make me sick, but the cravings can be pretty strong and are definitely a mood-barometer.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, this is a "woe is me" post.

I know that in this season of greetings, amidst the tidings of comfort and joy, I should be celebrating and expressing gratitude for all I can do, all that I have, and all that there is. Instead, I am stuck in what I can't do, what I don't have, and what there isn't. For the moment, I am mired in negativity...and it super sucks. The ridiculous guilt for being on such a downer compounds the crappy feelings, too. Great.

This doesn't happen to me very often, but when it does...

Okay.

So what am I going to do to try and drag my sorry ass out of this abyss?

Against my better judgement, I am going to go for a run. The run in and of itself is not what is 'against my better judgement.' It's what I am going to attempt during my run that is 'against my better judgement.'

No, I'm not going to tell you what it is. I'll tell you later... and I'll tell you if it worked.

And I may end up wishing that I had just opted for the dang frappuccino.

No nap and how bedtimes worked for the Waltons...

I did not nap today.

I ran.

And I changed the bedsheets.

That nap yesterday really did a number on me. It was even worse than I first thought. My single-parent coping skills were nil. I was tottering around like one of the undead all afternoon. When I finally started to get a little energy back, the kids effective sucked that right outta me during the bedtime routine. Why is bedtime so sucky? It is never like that on The Waltons.

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Mama:  You children go on up to bed now, y'he-ah? Yo' daddy n' I need to talk some things o-vuh.

All seven of the children, in unison:  Okay, Mama!

There is almost never any backtalk. No one says, "I don't want to!" and runs away like it is some awesome game. Jason never demands to know, "How come I have to go bed at the same time as Jim Bob? I'm 15...and he's SIX!" There is no door-slamming, no screaming, and no 'hmph, hmph, hmph'-ing. They simply go to bed.

And once they are in bed, no one is running around upstairs, opening and closing doors or sneaking playing with legos. They say the good night deal... "good night, mama," "good night, Mary Ellen." "good night, daddy," "good night John Boy." And they are done.

Who here has that? Anyone? C'mon... anyone?

I know why it worked for Mama and Daddy Walton. A woodshed and a belt. They never had to use them or even threaten to use them, but they were there... the looming and omnipresent enforcers. Or maybe kids back then were just more respectful by nature.

Anyway...

By the time my kids were all finally in bed, I was collapsed in a heap again... but this time on the living room floor. No way was I going out to do a tempo run. Instead I did important sedentary things like played on Twitter and Facebook and read some blogs and tried to drum up votes for yet another contest I had entered. After that disastrous nap, sleep was kind of scary to me.

All that led to my run this morning. Since I'm getting ready for this race, running was kind of important. I was set to do a 3-mile tempo run at a little faster than my half-marathon base pace... so looking at about 8:50 per mile. It was hot and sunny. I planned to do the run on a flat, straight road... next to the Bay with no shade and no protection. Water on one side, freeway on the other.

My 2-mile warm-up stunk. I considered just going home after it. But no, I needed to get this run in. Ugh, I was so cranky about it. So I set off... and just could not control my pace. And the heat was really hot so I took off my shirt... which added a whole new voyeuristic element to the run. The volume of vehicles because I was next to the freeway meant a vast number of hecklers/oglers. I am so not used to this! I run at night in my little development. No one sees me. No one says anything to me. I got a lot of "Go, baby! Go!" and truck honks. Okay... a little ego-feeding but I recognized that they were traveling at a high rate of speed and were some distance away, so it was mostly distracting. Whatever.

The tempo pace... not 8:50 at all... 3 miles @ 8:24/8:25/8:22.

At least I was consistent.

And I got it done.

Running for Joy... Running to Remember...

On Thursday, I put forth my memories of the tragedy that was this day ten years ago.

Today, I celebrated life in remembrance of those who lost theirs. I do believe most of them would want that. I know I would want that.

When I go, sure, be sad for a bit. But then remember my zest for life and honor me by emulating that. I am no stranger to loss and hardship. Every day is fraught with challenges – big and small. I honor my loved ones and all manner of heroes who've passed away by taking on these challenges... by diving into every moment of being alive, by wringing every ounce of "experience" and every drop of joy that I can from this unwieldy and unpredictable thing that is LIFE.

Before we were married, my husband once asked me, "What is the basis of your spiritual foundation?" I got really pissy. I didn't understand the question... and I didn't enjoy neither the tone nor the context in which the question was asked. He and I were in the middle of a run, and it was merely his idea of light and lively conversation to pass the time. Whatever happened to the Kevin Bacon Game?

What he wanted to know was:  When things are hard... unfathomably hard, when I am experiencing deep pain... physical or emotional, when the s*** hits the fan, when the going gets tough... how do I make it through? What do I look to? How do I find peace? How do I find the reassurance that things will be okay?

I told him I didn't know. I just do. Somehow... somewhere within... I just know. And trust.

Things might really hurt or be really hard for awhile... but things will be okay. They will.

I look up and I see this...

a glorious Maxfield Parrish sky

and this...

the iconic engineering masterpiece that is the Golden Gate Bridge

I look down and I see this...

the exhaustion of a little boy who spent the day playing so hard and so joyously

that he fell asleep on the floor between the sofa and the coffee table

and this....

the limitless curiosity of a two-year old that mandates taking out all the puzzles 

and dumping out all the pieces without wanting to put them together

I look out and I see this...

the delight of a swing

and this....

the joy of making new friends!

And I ask "How can things not turn out okay?" and I am reminded of the expression that goes something like...

"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay... it's not the end."

Compared to the losses of 10 years ago, it's trivial, but I didn't run or do any sort of physical activity more strenuous than grocery shopping for 8 long years. Because I couldn't. Most days the pain was incredible and nearly unbearable... and it was always there. I limped. I hobbled. I cried. But I knew it wasn't the end. Things weren't okay yet.

August 31st marked one year since my return to running. Today I ran to remember. The plan was 11 miles to remember 9/11. I was alone when I hit the 10-mile mark after running with my new friends for the first 9. When I looked in as I began that eleventh mile, I was completely overcome with joy... the joy of being able to run... the joy of being alive... the joy that things are starting to be okay. I didn't stop at 11... I held that feeling for an extra mile.

Not everything is okay... and that's cool.

I don't want it to be the end yet :)

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Caught in between...

That Tuesday.

It was a beautiful day.

Big G had just turned 2 the week before, and it was my dad's (for whom my son is named) birthday. He would have been 60. I felt a fleeting sadness that he wasn't here to see my son... that he had not met my husband... that he never had the chance to see me feeling truly solid about my life. And I wished I could call him and wish him a very happy birthday. I lingered on this for a moment or two and then moved on to matters at hand.

As I readied my 2-year old for his first "full" half-day at preschool, I had a lot on my mind. In addition to the bittersweet feelings of my 'baby' heading off to school ... even if just for 4 hours twice a week... and my dad, I was thinking about a dear friend who was in labor, birthing her first child, and our family trip to Maine.

It appeared as if my friend would be delivering on her due date... my dad's birthday. I had told her for months what a special guy my dad was and how auspicious it was that her son was due on that day. I had told her how I had wished Big G had that same birthday because not only my dad but his twin sister were so cool and nice and awesome that it must have something to do with the day :) It was nice for me to be able to balance out the feelings of loss with the great joy of birth.

The prospect of traveling also brought me great joy. I was growing increasingly excited about our trip to Portland, Maine the following day. As Big G was going to be in school for a few hours on this day, I would have time to quickly pack and make our preparations.

As I was loading my big boy into his car seat, our neighbor came out to the street. Something was wrong, I could tell by the shell-shocked expression on his face.

"Did you hear? Did you see?..." his voice trailed off.

"What's wrong? Is everything okay?" I asked.

"No, no," he said. "The planes just crashed... they just crashed into the World Trade Center... and the Pentagon...it's on t.v.... oh, right... you guys don't have t.v.... you have to come see or you won't believe it... I don't believe it..."

And we followed him into his house and watched. Stunned. It must be fake. How could someone do that? How could that happen? I truly thought it was some weird, twisted stunt. And I had to get my kid to school and check in with my friend and get ready for my trip to Portland, Maine...

Interesting how we often start grasping at minutia when faced with monumental tragedies our brains struggle to comprehend.

I was in total denial.

I took my son to school, and I went that whole day thinking I needed to get ready for our trip to Portland, Maine the following day. If it was real, I said to myself, this would be the safest time to fly because they wouldn't do that two days in a row. Good Lord. Delusion and denial. Brain operations shut down. 

It took about a week before the reality finally hit me. A week. And no trip to Maine.

As the official reports and the footage and the personal stories poured out, I read and watched and listened. My husband drove around for at least a month, gathering every different newspaper to read all the write-ups, hoping to make sense of it. But there was and is no sense to be made.

It was senseless.

Every year since then I work to not dwell on the tragedy. I remember and and honor and reflect upon those who lost their lives or love ones and those whose lives were damaged by the horrific events that took place on September 11, 2001. And I celebrate the birthday of my friend's son and my aunt and revel in the joy that is life.

This year on September 11, I will give thanks that I am here, that I am alive, that I am whole. I will be grateful that my loved ones are close to me, whether physically or spiritually. I will remember and honor and reflect upon what transpired 10 years ago... and I will run. 

I have joined the dailymile.com event... Run 11 miles on 9/11/11. 

"10 years later, we remember like it was 10 hours ago."

Where were you then? And where will you be now?

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linking this post up with MamaKat's Writing Workshop.