04 May 2011

The Double-Whammy Wounding Weekend

"Wounding" might be a little strong. That word usually conjures up images of torn skin and blood and bandages. I was injured... through some really stoooopid accidents... this past weekend, but no blood flowed and no bandages were necessary. 

I hadn't posted about this sooner because I was waiting for my leg injury to produce a really awesomely colorful and humongous bruise... but this is all I got:

the darkish spot above the knee that looks like muscle definition is the bruise
Note to self:  do not use arnica if you are wanting a nice juicy bruise photo for your blog :P

It doesn't look like much, and I sound like a SuperWhiner... but wait'll you hear the story...

Darkness. Screaming. Dream-state. I think I woke up to go save my 2-year old from whatever scariness had woken her. I leapt out of bed on the other side (the side I never get out on) and dashed full-throttle toward her... unfortunately, the solid and sharply-edged footboard was in the way :(  I'm awake! I'm screaming. I'm on the floor. I think... seriously... that my leg is broken. I can't move it. I can't even feel it except that it is in deeeeeeep pain. 

Babe is still screaming, "Mammma! Mammmmma! Maaaaaaammmmaaaaaa!" 

From the floor, I manage to tell her, "Mommy can't come right now. Mommy is really hurt. Mommy is really, really hurt." And she actually stops screaming, lays herself down and goes back to sleep!

Somehow, I haul my agonizing body up onto the bed, curl up in the fetal position and fall asleep. When I awake, my leg is throbbing. There is a significant lump. Huge lump. I put arnica on it. I can walk but going down stairs, sitting on the toilet, sitting in a chair... and getting up again from all those... is excruciating. I can drive the car, but when I apply the parking break, the pain nearly sends me into orbit.

So I didn't run because that might have hurt it more. It no longer hurts to use the quad (nailed that sweet spot where the tendon and muscle all connect up) though it does hurt if you push on it and there is still a hard lump. But it's pretty much fine now, and I'll run tonight :)


The other moron-of-the-century maneuver I did involved my nose. 


In my defense, it is a rather looooong nose.


It sticks out pretty far, so you can see how I might whack into things with it, right?



I was standing in our cloffice (closet-office) and heard someone come in the front door. I turned quickly as I also stepped backward... but not sideways. I nailed my nose at its bridge on the doorway. It issued a very loud "CRACK!" Doorways are solid. In an earthquake, that is where you are supposed to stand because they aren't going anywhere and you'll be safe. So the "CRACK!" definitely wasn't the wood of the doorway.

It was my nose.

I expected blood to come spurting out. It hurt like a nose-whacking hurts... a whole lot! I was afraid to look. Then I did. And I'll be dad-blamed if it didn't look better!

When I was 15, I dove into a pool that was shallower than I had expected and hit the floor with my face. Broke the nose. It wasn't as bad as Owen Wilson, but it was pretty messed up. (But not as messed up as I would have been if it had been my neck that got broken!).

The good, hard whack on the doorway did something. Sort of like really cheap and really fast cosmetic surgery... without any knives!

Score!

But still, getting hurt is no fun.





15 comments:

  1. You are too funny! Since things tend to come in three's you should proably just crawl inot bed and put the covers over your head! Lol! Can you think of an injury to get rid of lines under the eyes, I could use an injury like that! lol! Have a great, safe, night!

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  2. You make me laugh. About your nose pics and comments. too funny. But not funny that you were hurt. Ouch. Gosh, those middle of the night wake up calls are no fun. I can't believe she just went back to bed. Take care Marjorie.

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  3. I LOVE that baby girl layed back down and went to sleep like a good girl - too funny!

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  4. Do it yourself cosmetic surgery. If you could patent that, you could be a millionaire.

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  5. I wonder what else you could fix by yourself at home? I smell a best seller.

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  6. You have the best stories. Glad that you are okay though.

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  7. All I can think of is Liar Liar when Jim Carrey is in the bathroom beating himself up...."What are you doing?" "I'm kicking my a$$!" Stop kicking yours! :P

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  8. Oh no - getting hurt is no fun but at least you have a sense of humor about it! It's too funny that your daughter went back to sleep by herself.

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  9. DIY Rhinoplasty sounds like as much fun as the Red-Neck Vasectomy Kit. (if you are uncertain of this kit, you can Google it)

    Glad you are mostly OK, and hopefully you will have a good run.

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  10. So. If I whack myself, all of myself, on a door frame, do you think I'll look better? I even have a steel framed door I could try.....

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  11. You know what that reminded me of? The Green Mile. The prison warden (played by Tom Hanks) for some reason is in agony on the floor of the green mile with his urinary tract problem and john coffey (the innocent prisoner) is calling/crying out to him that he needs him to come. Tom Hanks says "I can't come right now. Not now John."

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  12. OMG I SO LOVE YOU! Anyone who takes a close up of their nose THAT close up is a winner...but not the kind of winner Charlie Sheen talks about. A good kind of winner.
    BTW, I think you've found a way to never have to check on your kid at night ever again! Always yell out that you're really hurt, right! Oh, and one more thing, good plan waiting till the leg was really gruesome before blogging about it. I so would have done the exact same thing! So sorry your leg didn't look more mangled. Better luck next time?

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  13. Well, the postive side to all of this, next time the youngin is crying, you learned that you just have to yell that your hurt and the crying stops

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  14. Oh my goodness, you need to be bubble wrapped and hide out in your house! I hope you're feeling better!

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